I dislike ranking movies, especially movies that span
multiple genres. But I’m going to do it anyway. These are the best and worst
movies or TV episodes I have covered thus far.
I am disqualifying movies I have seen in theaters and thus
haven’t done a full commentary on. This eliminates:
- Me Before You
- Split
- Everything, Everything
- Annabelle: Creation
- All I See Is You
- Wonder
- The Shape of Water
- The Greatest Showman
Also, if I have covered multiple episodes of a TV show, I
will count the entire TV show as a consideration.
Worst.
I absolutely love the concept of this episode. I have never seen a disabled bully in the
media before. The quality of the show in
general brought the episode down. Despite being in English, I had to pull up a
transcript to follow the episode. I had to Google the majority of jokes in this
episode, as they are mostly basketball references.
I was really hoping my first cerebral palsy movie would be,
if not good, somewhat dignified. Instead, I got an Easter Bunny slasher film.
And not a very good one. The biggest problem with Easter Bunny Kill! Kill! is
the character development. Why does an Easter Bunny slasher film need to spend
the first half developing characters? I just wanted to watch an Easter Bunny
kill people in defense of someone with CP. Is that too much to ask of a movie?
After a boring first half, the movie shifts into a boring second half. None of
the kills are interesting! All the weapons are just power tools. Why does the Bunny bother exchanging tools
between kills? The twist at the end was unexpected but not particularly
meaningful. And that car sex scene was not physically possible
It was surprisingly difficult to find a disability-related
Christmas movie. And I had to find this one. This movie isn’t that bad, but it is incredibly bland.
The only amusement comes from Hallmark pushing an anti-commercialization
message. Hallmark goes out of its way to be as inoffensive* as possible. The
bullies are barely bullies. None of Santa's rules make sense. Cancel Christmas should have taken its own advice.
*Except the middle-school bikini carwash scene. What was
that?
For all the faults of the Crimson Bat movies, they are at
least visually tolerable and somewhat
coherent. Blind Woman’s Curse is neither. The colors all clash and make it
difficult to look at. This movie wouldn’t be on this list if it weren’t so
ugly. The story is pretty much nonsensical. Something about a blind woman, a
curse, rival clans, a cat and they go into an odd underground dungeon at some
point. The visual style just made this unbearable.
I hated that this cartoon used the title of a great movie
but had nothing to do with it. The concept of this show appears to be a robot
learning to interact with humans. In any competent show, this would be an
allegory for marginalized groups. I hope that isn't the case for this show,
because the message for the episode I watched was essentially "integration
is difficult." The animation is poor and everything moves so quickly it is
difficult to keep up with what's happening.
5. Schizcago
I wanted to disqualify this one for being a student film.
But even a student film shouldn’t be physical painful to watch. I had to keep
taking breaks because of headaches.
I'm surprised that this is only number four. The Other Sister is quite amazing and it
became more amazing when I learned it was released theatrically. I just assumed
it was made -for-tv. Once you get past the shock of the surface-level
incompetence, you discover that almost every aspect of the other sisters exudes
incompetence. The story structure is a mess. The subplots and sub-subplots take
up more screentime than the plot! The "subplot" of the mom having to
accept her daughter's homosexuality is a...coherent parallel to the "main
plot" of accepting Carla. So what does The Other Sister do? Mention the
mother not accepting that her daughter is a lesbian a few times, have a
half-hearted scene where she refuses to meet her girlfriend, and then end the
entire two-hour movie on her meeting the girlfriend as if it were the main arc.
I would almost recommend watching this just to witness the incompetence in this
abomination if it weren't two hours long. I would recommend Ebert’s review,
however.
I debated with myself which order to put Riding the Bus With My Sister and The Other Sister. They are extremely similar. One could call them
sister movies. The Other Sister is never unpleasant, just incredibly dull.
Riding The Bus With My Sister, while perhaps more interesting than The Other Sister,
is agonizing to watch. Beyond Rosie O’Donnell’s ... interpretation, Riding the
Bus With My Sister is incredibly proud of its brilliance. Rachel keeps having
flashbacks to her childhood that directly correspond to Beth’s situation.
Despite being half an hour shorter than The Other Sister, it felt much longer
due to its insufferable nature.
I don’t get angry at disability representation in media. In
fact, there are only two films I’ve covered that actually made me angry. One
was Death Carries A Cane because I
couldn’t figure out the bag plot point without reading Italian. The other was What Every Happened To Baby Jane? Okay,
if you take away the original and look at this remake on its own merits, What Ever Happened To Baby Jane? is probably not that bad. But the original does exist. One positive thing about the
remake is that it doesn’t miss what made the original movie great. It
understands it and does everything it can to actively destroy it. Whether you
can even successfully remake a film so…specific to the actresses is debatable.
I could do an entire post about this, but I’ll just mention the problems. Sandman is a completely unmemorable song
disconnected from Jane’s psyche. They cut out the entire car accident scene.
The chairlift ruins any sense of Jane’s isolation, as well as the phone scene.
The worms had absolutely no build-up. The dog was stupid. Blanche was passed
out during the note scene, killing any suspense.
No doubt. The Undateables
is the worst thing I have seen for this blog. And that includes the Pin sex scene. The Undateables sounds like a satire of reality TV that Special Need would devise. The first
couple episodes I watched were surreal. I couldn’t believe that this was aired
and had six seasons (series)! After that, the show became incredibly tedious.
Every episode is the same. Putting aside the exploitative nature, The Undateables is awful. The narrator
repeats the same information over and over. It’s impossible to suspend
disbelief that the dates are candid when the participants address the camera. And
the title is a complete lie! None of the participants are undateable, because
they all go on dates. The only (legal) way to salvage this series would be to
change it from a dating show to a hook-up show and have some nudity and/or sex.
Best.
Yes, really. I have no idea how Haribo thought that this
show would be a good advertisement for Gummi Bears but I am glad they did. Gummi
Bears is more relevant today than ever in empowering kids to resist Nazis. And I’m
not projecting the Nazi angle. Parts of this episode are a Gummi version of The Diary of Anne Frank. The protagonist
literally hides under the floorboards to avoid the leaders of an authoritarian
regime who want to boil him alive. I think this show is more of a "how can this exist?" kind of good than a "good" kind of good,
What a huge step-up from the already entertaining Tombs of the Blind Dead. Return of the Evil Dead is the second
entry in the classic Blind Dead
Collection and a rare sequel that improves upon the original. With a huge
cast of characters, a new, more interesting backstory, and a more complex
story, Return of the Evil Dead is a
stand-out among the Blind Dead Collection.
Also, there’s a topless women who gets her heart ripped out
of her chest. That didn’t influence my decision to put this movie on my top ten.
I just want to acknowledge that there is a topless woman who gets her heart
ripped out of her chest.
Norway makes odd movies. That's all.
7. Blindman
I feel like the world is a better place now that I know this movie exists. Ringo Starr plays the villain to a blind gunslinger. The dialogue is absolutely hilarious. Blindman is an interesting movie because you are never quite sure how self-aware it is. Almost everything is played straight, but the scenarios get so ridiculous that one has to assume that it’s all a big joke.
I felt awful about liking this movie so munch until I
learned that Quinten Tarentino loves it. Candy Snatchers has a really clever
screenplay, well-developed characters; 70's fake blood effects, and sleazy
shots of a 20 year old actress playing a 16 year old schoolgirl. What more
could you ask? This is my favorite exploitation movie.
By far the best cartoon I’ve reviewed. The bar is pretty
low, however. Pelswick is a witty cartoon feels like a precursor to Speechless. The first episode is like B-O-N-BONFIRE. My biggest problem with
the cartoon is the guardian angel, who has no explanation within the first
episode and isn’t funny.
A classic story of revolution in a pretty bizarre movie. It
alternates between light-hearted (throwing chickens into the office) to
disturbing (crucified rodent) rapidly. There are long sections of nothing
happening, but the atmosphere is interesting. All the actors are dwarfs, but
that is never mentioned in the movie. Besides the title.
I like Acción Mutante because it has valuables commentary on
how a society focused on health and beauty marginalizes people with
disabilities and could lead to wider social problems but mostly because of the
gore. Besides the gore, Acción Mutante has wonderful humor that plays with the
princess-rescuing genre.The only negative thing I can think of about this movie is that lack of nudity and sex.
Special Needs is one of my least favorite blog entries. The
movie itself is so funny that it was difficult to make it funnier. A Troma mockumentary
about a hack TV producer making show about disabled people fighting to the
death. As it is Troma, the movie doesn’t refrain from sinking to the lowest
possible places for humor. Anyone who complains that there aren’t movies where
disabled people plays disabled characters aren’t looking in the right places,
like Troma Entertainment.
1. Pin
Pin is in a bizarre
realm where it is simultaneously a Hitchcockian psychological thriller and
cheap ‘80’s horror film. And it’s amazing. Pin
works so well because it believably and slowly builds Leon’s psychosis.
Starting at a young age, Leon’s parents unintentionally warp his sexual
development. The incestuous undertones between him and Ursula create an uneasy
atmosphere until they becomes…overtones. When the movie delves into cheap
horror film territory, it feels earned and adds to the tension. Despite no gore
and little violence, it is incredibly disturbing and I am so glad I watched it.
The ending does feel like a cheat, however…
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