Blood Song

Blood Song (1982) is a slasher about a man who escapes from a mental institution and tracks down a disabled girl who got a blood transfusion from him.

The moral being "Don't get blood transfusions."

Fun Fact: you can make any movie, no matter how trashy, seem deep if you put a Tennyson quote in front of it.

The opening shot of an airplane landing proves that this movie puts more effort into lighting than B.J. Lang Presents (1971)

Portland, Oregon 1955. A man carries a stuffed monkey into a house. Given the premise of this movie, it could be a reference to AIDS.

A scream from the bedroom and two shots as the camera focuses on a piano. I'm assuming that the movie has a motif of associating music with death, hence the title, and this isn't just a way to avoid showing the deaths.

After killing the two people in bed, the man points his gun into his mouth and shoots. The son watches and begins to play a song on his recorder.

So I was right about associating music with death.

Also, Childhood Trauma of slasher villian established in under four minutes.

Flash forwards to Stanford Bay, 1982.  A girl sleeps. Her eyes open and we go...into her mind.

The effect probably looked a lot cooler in the director's head.

The girl sees the inside of a mental institution. A doctor comes to tell Paul, the boy from the beginning of the movie, not to play the titular Blood Song. Paul kills him and escapes.

That took a long time for me to figure out. First of all, I thought the girl was a boy (Paul) at first, and we were seeing a traumatic flashback. But that would mean that Paul hadn't aged in 27 years.

The lighting is so bad...

I'm at the point where "being able to see what is on screen" is a compliment for a movie.

The girl's alarm rings and she puts on her leg brace.

The girl, Marion, goes downstairs to her unsupportive parents. The sad thing is that I thought "oh, she kind of looks actually high-school aged." Then I looked the actress up. She is Donna Wilkes, best known for Jaws 2 (1978), and was 23 in Blood Song. Marion's father is upset that Marion is seeing a boy called Joey. Damn it, Joey.

Marion gets on the bus with the other 23 year-old high-school students. She tells her friend Cathy that she told her father that she was at the pizza house with her instead of with Joey.


Joey works at the docks. Just like in Midnight Sun (2018) and Midnight Sun (2003). Except Blood Song is less exploitative.

Joey tells Marion that he has to go to Portland to take an aptitude test in order to get a job. Portland is the place where Paul escaped. Hey, this movie is making sense.

Marion casually mentions that she has recurring nightmares of a guy killing people and Joey kisses her. Okay.

Marion walks home. The camera shakes and the music turns suspenseful. I wasn't sure if the camera shaking was to build suspense or because the production value is so low.

A car "suddenly" comes and Marion leaps onto the grass.

By "suddenly," I mean that one hears the screeching tires a full ten seconds before Marion leaps.

Marion bangs her leg brace a few times, establishes her leg is still there, then picks up her things and goes inside.

Back to Marion in bed and the odd transition to her visions.

Why thought that using an orange circle would represent her psychic connection to a killer in Oregon?

Paul goes to a gas station and a guy offers to give him a ride to California, because Paul is going to San Francisco. Is this how 1982 worked? Paul goes into the shop. Marion's father yells and we flash back to Marion.

Marion's father interrupts the visions whenever it might reveal too much of the plot.

Speaking of revealing the plot, Marion's family appear to fight every morning over exposition. Marion's father dislikes Joey because Joey's father tried to seduce Marion's mother.

Marion's father doesn't want her going to the doctor aboout her knee or sneaking out to see Joey. Marion reveals that her father crippled her when he was drunk driving.

"Can't we just have a single breakfast
without an exposition dump?"

Marion goes to the docks at night time and cries. The movie tries to play with the lighting as she tosses stones into the lake.

I love trashy movie that attempt to be artistic.

She has another vision of her post-accident getting a blood transfusion. The doctor says that she has O+ blood type, which is rough to come by. The only O+ blood they have is from a patient at the state mental hospital.

Okay, pause. People with O+ blood can also receive O- blood.

Furthermore, do patients from the state mental hospital often give blood donations? Or was this before he was committed? If so, would the hospital have that on record?

Finally, the plot of this movie is that two people have a psychic connection due to a blood transfusion. Does this happen with all transfusion or only if one is a mental patient?

Marion tells Joey that she sees visions of the killer and also of the van attempting to run her over. Joey assures her that there's nothing to worry about. Okay.

In class the next day, Marion has yet another vision. Paul is on the the road playing the titular Blood Song on his recorder, frustrating the driver. The driver pulls over and Paul kills him with a stick.

The schoolbell rings, snapping Marion out of the vision.

Marion goes to the doctor and gets great news: she gets to take her leg brace off! But she has to use a cane.

Her doctor warns her not to do anything risky, like jumping out of the way of vans. If she hallucinates a van, she should just stay put. (?)

In the next scene, Blood Song (1982) offers some biting political commentary : Police are incompetent.

The sheriff enters and asks Betty for a cup of coffee. Of course Betty is in charge of the coffee.

Sheriff

I've got the biggest head in history. I got a hang-over that would make King-Kong climb a wall.

Just more clever dialogue from Blood Song (1982)

Wilkins lists the news in order of importance: Mrs. Evans called about two dogs on her lawn, someone stole a van, there was a fight, and a mental patient killed a guard and escaped.

The sherriff goes to sleep.

Blonde Woman hitches a ride to San Francisco with Paul in the windowless, black van. Hasn't she seen The Candy Snatchers (1973)? It's a classic.

She asks if she can play an eight-track and touches the recorder. Paul grabs the recorder and says his father made it.

Joey can't make it to some school party. Joey tells Marion to take Cathy and help her find a date. Marion says her father won't let her go. Meanwhile, the ominous black van parks outside and Paul gets out.

I'm still struggling with the concept of a blood transfusion giving two people a psychic connection. Does this happen all the time, or only if the donor is clinically insane?

Joey drives Marion home and they kiss. Marion promises to see him off to Portland tomorrow, which means she definitely won't be there.

Marion goes upstairs and changes. Frank returns and finds the brace in the trash.

The shot of her changing is kind of baffling. It's like they wanted gratuitous female nudity but not enough to bother lighting it.

Frank goes up to his daughter's room and has a tender moment. I know it's supposed to be tender because of the music. Marion's mother checks in.

Marion has another vision. Paul is sleeping with Blonde Woman in a motel. He says he has a surprise and tells her to close her eyes.

I don't know if the nudity is tastefully done or if the lighting is so bad that I can't see anything.

Blonde Woman closes her eyes and Frank gives her a necklace,

She puts it on. Paul plays his recorder and Blonde Woman asks him to "stop playing that damn thing."

This logically causes Paul to FLIP OUT AND STRANGLE HER WITH THE NECKLACE

Let's look at the physics.

She is leaning backwards and he is pulling forwards. So the string is around the back of her neck, yet this somehow strangles her.

I always thought that you had to put pressure on the throat to strangle someone, not the back of the neck. But maybe I'm wrong, because Blonde Woman dies.

Marion wakes up screaming that "he killed her" and "he's going to kill me next"

The sherriff gets a report that Blonde Woman disappeared.

At the docks, Joey assures Marion that her dreams are just dreams and leaves on a boat.

Then this grindhouse movie turns into a mix of arthouse and mainstream tearjerker.



Yeah, a 1982 song tells the audience to be sad.

It's called "All in Your Mind" by Lainie Kazan

 Meanwhile, Marion is walking along the beach and some shots feel like it's accidentally from a pretentious student film.


There's a place
You've never been
And a face
You've never seen

The vision is quite clear
And you watch it disappear
All in your mind. 

There's a song
No one can hear
And a scream
No one is near

The dreams that you see
That you should never say
All in your mind
All in your mind

It goes on. This song is honestly amazing.

I respect this movie so much.

Immediately after, Blood Song (1982) remembers its genre and Marion follows a man (Paul) to his van. Paul is busy burying the Blonde Woman. Paul approaches Marion,

One of the least threatening ways to hold an ax.

Marion runs away.

WITHOUT HER CRUTCH

The doctor JUST SAID not to do anything strenuous and Marion had to go and almost be murdered.

Marion runs into Stock '80s Nerds.

You know this because they wear glasses. Stock '80s Nerds often go hunting. (?)

Norman, the main nerd, takes her home. The others report that they don't see a van.

Matrion enters the house and calls for her father. This movie's idea of suspense is to not let the audience see what is happening.

Paul goes to yet another gas station and asks the attendent where the high-school is. The attendent sees nothing wrong with a strange man in a black van asking where the high-school is.

Officer Gibbons pulls up and asks if he can looks inside the van because he wants to camp out in it. He opens the door, declares he can't hide, and shuts the door.

I think that was supposed to be suspenseful.

Marion is at school and sees the van outside. She runs out and it is gone. Cathy deduces that she is acting strange because she is pregnant. They walk away.

Then Marion hears the titular Blood Song and walks away. The van pulls up.

Blood Song: How Not To Build Suspense (1982)

Joey comes back and Marion tells him about the strange man. Again.

Joey says it is all in her imagination. Again.


The next day, Marion tells Joey to come to the beach and see the body.  She's assuming that Paul would keep the body there after someone saw him.

Joey digs and finds the garbage bag. It is full of garbage.

Clearly, Paul went back to the location, dug up the garbage bag

Also, there are no marks on the ground indicating that a van was there.

Clearly, Paul drove away, then walked back and landscaped the entire path to hide his tracks.

The police find the corpse on the side of the road. Then...Marion and Joey pull up right in the front of the investigation and make out.

I've seen enough '80s movies to know not to do that in front of police cars. Even if they have a corpse problem.

Turns out I was wrong. See, the movie cuts from one dark, barely visible section of road to another dark, barely visible section of road. This is in front of Marion's house.


Paul watches from the van.

Joey and Marion talk about running away together. Marion gets out of the car and walks to her house. Without the cane.

I guess she forgot about that.

Frank grabs Marion as she enters the house. he claims to have seen her and Joey making out.

I doubt it. The lighting in the movie is too poor.

Frank says he will skip a PTA meeting to make sure Joey won't come back. Marion goes upstairs and her mother says the following to Frank.

Mother

Frank, she's your only daughter. Your only child. Can't you see what you're doing to her?

Frank looks sad. This is his emotional arc. He ascends the stairs to take to Marion. Marion blasts the radio. 1983?

Marion is still climbing stairs despite losing her cane. Just saying.

Frank goes downstairs and drinks. He turns on his radio.

So...this is a passive-agressive 1983 music playing feud.

Marion hears something outside. Two kids play frisbee. It gets too dark and they go to one of their houses. Paul watches from the shadows.

If they don't die, this scene will have been a waste.

Paul gets into the house through the window and kills Frank with his ax. The gory wounds looks suspiciously clean.

Marion witnesses her father's murder. She won the passive-aggressive music feud, I guess. Frank yells at her to run before he dies.

But I thought she should refrain from strenuous activity.

Marion gets to a payphone, but the black van chases after her. She continues running until the movie runs out of sets.

Okay, how she able to run up the stairs when she just got off her brace?

Yes, that blurry picture is Marion running up the stairs.

She makes it to another phone in a sawmill, but it is dead. The titular Blood Song plays.

A saw mill sounds like a great arena for the climax of a slasher movie. It would be even better if I could see what was happening.

Marion climbs up to the rafters and tosses a barrel down. Paul presses a switch and a machine starts. Marion jumps down and attempts to bust through a door.

All of this is probably really bad for her leg.

Marion grabs a bladed tool and thrusts it into Paul's side. She runs.

Paul

You hurt me. Really hurt me.

Paul chases Marion, clutching his side.

If there was any lighting, this might be suspenseful.

Marion hides in a tube. Paul attempts to do a creepy villain monologue, calling Marion a pretty girl and asking her to come out.

Paul

Peek-a-boo, I see you.

Mario stabs his hand and runs away.

Cut to the police at Marion's house, investigating her father's death.

I thought the next scene was Marion hiding outside, but it is really Marion hiding in another part of the mill. That's how bad the lighting is

A saw mill worker enters the mill and turns off the machine. Marion yells for help. Paul jumps in a forklift and runs him over

The music is telling me this is suspenseful.

Paul tries to run over Marion, but Marion climbs on a stack of boxes. Paul uses the forklift to pick up the boxes.

So...why is he trying to kill Marion? Because she has his blood? This premise gets dumber the more I think about i.

Marin jumps off the box into the forklift and hits Paul. She jumps off and Paul and the forklift plunge in the water.

Cut to the police bringing Marion in. In shock, Marion tells the police that she killed Paul because he killed all those people.

The police retrieve the forklift and the dead worker, Bill.

Paul hitches a ride with Joey to Portland. He survived?

Marion screams as some doctors restrain her. She is in the institution where Paul was.

A doctor comes to check on Marion. it's Paul!

That makes sense?

I thought the institution was a couple counties over. Didn't they have somewhere closer?

Blood Song (1982) has a great ending and a terrible hour and twenty-five minutes. It's no going to put anyone off blood donation.

Positive representation of blood donations is pointless. Everyone knows blood donation is good. You know which franchise has done tangible work in increasing blood donation? Saw. One of the silliest franchises ever has done more for people with chronic illnesses than any amount of pure representation.

Yuki Yuna is a Hero

Yuki Yuna is a Hero is a 2014 anime series with twelve episodes. It is the first anime with a disabled character I found that was...appropriate.

I'm going to cover the first three episodes, because the typical movie I cover is 90 minutes.


Episode One: A Maiden's True Heart starts with a puppet show about a Hero who goes to the Demon King's house and learns that the Demon King only started to be evil after the villagers treated him as evil.

The Hero wants to reform the Demon King by talking. He reforms the demon king by fighting him (?)

So violence is the answer?

This is all a puppet show, and a convenient way to introduce the characters.

Fu

Itsuki, Fu's little sister

Togo, the one in a wheelchair

Togo-san, the one in the wheelchair. She just moved into town last year.

Also, they are all in middle school

At the middle school,  we learn that Yuki Yuna is the popular girl who is part of the Hero Club. This is relatable to  the peple who watch anime.

The Hero Club is not a contradictory sandwich, but a club that helps people. I have no idea how the popular girl in school is in this club.

Or how she is friends with the disabled girl.

Just being realistic here.

They go into the Domestic Sciences Prep Room/Hero Club room.

I'm not sure whether they are the same room or the door leads to separate rooms. This middle school lets a group of students take over a room in the school and even puts in a plaque.

Also, a poster with Tenets:

The final two lines are dialogue

They could probably combine Tenet 2 and Tenet 5.

So, what does the Hero Club do?

Odd.

They also have to clean up the coast. And improve their website. How is Yuki the popular girl?

My prediction is that the writer of Yuki Yuna is a Hero is a 35-40 year old male.

I've never been to a Japanese middle school, but I doubt that they are this lenient with the students.

The other girls express surprise that Togo finished upgrading the website so quickly.

They go eat some udon and the girls express surprise that Fu finished her bowl so quickly.

I'm surprised that Togo transferred from her wheelchair to a chair instead of moving the chair out of the way.

And the argument "maybe the table was too high" doesn't make sense because all these characters have the exact, same poportions.

They have to choose something to do for the cultural center. Fu asks everyone to to think of one thing and then orders another bowl.

Fu eats a lot and Togo can design website. These skills better come back in the final battle.

Itsuki and Fu have a sentimental walk and promise to be loyal to each other.  Fu gets a message that the team is at a high level

I don't understand either.

This is some heavy world-building.

At school, Yuki doodles on her notebook. Then her phone rings. So does Togo's.

Then time stops.

Well, this series took a hard left turn. I wonder if they'll ever get around to cleaning up the coast.

The other people who are immune to the time stopping in the school are the four members of the Hero Club.

Oh, so that's the perk of joining.

Then this giant colorful vortex engulfs the world.

The moral is to keep your phone on in class.

They wake up in some surreal plane of existence that is somehow still accessible.

Just Togo and Yuki are together. They are taking this well. They take out their phones

I love how that's the indicator that something is wrong.

Fu and Itsuki find Togo and Yuki. Itsuki reveals that they all had apps on their phones.

Boy, it's a good thing none of them had a low battery.

Itsuki reveals that she was dispatched from Taishi, a place devoted to Shinju-sama. She created the Sanshu Middle School Hero Club to recruit people to fight enemies.

Okay, but are they ever going to find homes for the kittens?

How come the Sinju-sama needs four middle-school girls to fight?

And why didn't she even tell her sister?

This is a Vertex, intent on killing the world. If it reaches this world's bounty, the Shinju-sama, the world will die.

When you make a fictional multi-world universe, it is extremely confusing to fluctuate between "this world" and "the world"

They all got the highest scores on the middle school aptitude test, which is why they were chosen to fight.

...assuming that there was some sort of physical component to the test, how did Togo get the highest score?

Good thing none of them has a low battery.

The Vertex goes after them.

Togo says she can't fight. Fu tells Yuki to take Togo away. Then Fu and Itsuki use the app to transform.

Remember when heroes had to prove something or go through trials to gain power? Now they can just use apps.

Fu transforms and gets a sword.

Itsuki transforms and gets....disappointed.

Itsuki and Fu fly through the air and get some fairies from the Shinju-sami to assist them.

You know, if Itsuki went through all the trouble to recruit three middle-schoolers to save  the world all the worlds, you would think she would inform them about the fairies beforehand..

Yuki calls Fu mid-fight. Fu apologizes for not telling them she was secretly recruiting them. Yuri claims that this is in line with the tenets of the Hero club.

Which one?

If you're troubled, talk to someone?

The Vertex shoots a fireball and hits Itsuki and Fu. Their powers disappear.

Wow. You go to another world, infiltrate a middle-school, training three girls to save the world, and you get hit in the first fight immediately.

The Vertex looks towards Yuki and Togo. Togo tells Yuki to run, but Yuki punches through a fireball

Then she jumps up and does a huge punch to the Vertex. destroying it.

Honestly, she should just leave the other three girls behind. That would be a message.

Hey, that's the title!

That's the end of  Yuki Yuna is a Hero Episode One: A Maiden's True Heart.

Yuki Yuna is a Hero Episode 2: Noble Thoughts  starts with the Vertex healing itself. Fu informs the other two fighting members of the Hero Club that Vertex's regenerate. In order to defeat them, one needs to perform the Sealing Ritual.

How long did you have to explain all of these in the school and shouldn't you have done that instead of trying to find homes for kittens?

And are they every going to find homes for those kittens?

Thus leads to Togo's first character trial: Will she press the button on the app?

The steps for sealing the enemy:

1. Surround them
2. Say the prayer to suppress the enemies

I love how the entire premise of this series is "look at your phone"

That's pretty funny but I don't know if it was an intentional joke.

The Vertex's soul comes out, and Yuna jumps to destroy it.

Itsuki mentions that some numbers on the Sealing Ritual field are going down. Fu informs her  that those numbers are their team's remaining power and the Vertext will escape if it reaches zero

Fu switches with Yuki to destroy the soul with her sword.

Strong^tm Female^tm Lead^tm

The field, called the Juki, starts to wilt.

Of course

Togo prays but still doesn't press the app.

Yuna jumps and punches the soul. She has flashbacks to the school day to encourage her, which means a flower on her arm flashes.

I don't get it either, but she defeat the Vertex and it turns to sand.

At this point, I think they are just making up rules.

Togo says she is relieved that they won and the Shinju-sama transports them all back to the school roof. Good, now they can find homes for the kittens.

Nobody else knows what happpened because time was frozen. Fu says she will get the Taishi to excuse them from class.

...but everyone in their classroom saw them suddenly disappear, right? They won't explain that, will they?

Itsuki cries to Fu because she is upset. Togo is sad because she didn't fight

Two students talk about a car accident in the next town. Togo and Yuki overhear. Is this what the people in this world saw?

Yuki still has her cow faery from the other world. Gyuki. And "faery" is the correct spelling according to the subtitles.

Hey, a cannibalism joke.

Fu explains what happened yesterday. They know from the Shinju-sama's prophecy that twelve Vertexes will come from the other side.

And twelve Vertexes shalt come from the other side to fill out the ordered twelve episode anime series.

The Sunju-sama devised a system in which people borrow their powers to become Heroes.

Thats the title!

Also, if the Jukai is damaged, there will be an equal disaster in the real world. This explains the car accident.

The "real world"? I thought this was one of those infinite world universes. Oh well.

The Sanju-sama sent Fu into this region to find the team of Heros. And I guess her sister came along?

Not to stereotype people, but doesn't this just tell people who watch amime not to be social, in case they accidentally join a club that recruits them to fight against otherworldly demons?

Togo is upset that Fu didn't tell them about this whole thing and leaves. Yuki follows.

So...have they forgotten about finding homes for the kittens?

Togo is frustrated that she didn't transform yesterday. She also realizes that Fu didn't really want to be friends, but wanted to recruit under orders from the state and the Taisha.

Then there's a joke about Yuki's breasts. I looked it up on the wiki and Yuki is 14.

Keep it classy, Yuki Yuna is a Hero.

Togo reveals to the audiences that she lost movement in her legs in a car accident before middle school. She also lost her memory.

Translation: "I'm connected to the other world in some way and lost movement in my legs. Then I got amnesia and was told i got into a car accident. This will be revealed in a few episodes."

Itsuki asks her tarot cards how Fu and Togo will make up. She turns over four cards and the fourth one freezes before it falls. Then the phones ring. So more Vertexes are coming.

She doesn't even bother finishing telling the fortune.

Three Vertexes come. The twelve episodes for twelve Vertexes didn't work out.

Yuki transforms.

Yuki is 14. Keep it classy, Yuki Yuna is a Hero.

Togo offers to help her, but has flashbacks to the fist episode.

They want to do the Sealing Ritual on the two closest Vertices, but the furthest one shoots fire.  Then this snake-like Vertex CRUSHES YUKI TO DEATH

The End.

Togo has a flashback to the first time she met Yuki Yuna,

Turns out Yuki Yuna didn't die.

Togo yells and the Vertex attacks her. but the egg thing creates a force fields.

Togo presses the button on her app and...

Um....

I kind of thought this would be a "safe" thing to review but, um...

Keep in mind that Togo is 14.

Keep it classy, Yuki Yuna is a Hero.

Let's move on.

Also, I learned from the wiki that I was right about the car accident not actually being a car accident.

This shows cleverly avoids the trope of super powers curing a disability. Togo's legs are still paralyzed but she gets four ribbons on her outfit that prop her up and that she can control. Of course she does.

Also she gets two guns.

Why does Togo get the coolest form? Not fair.

Fu and Itsuki joke about not liking the popular guys.

Togo can jump incredibly far with her...ribbons. There's a power struggle in which Fu realizes that Itsuki and Yuki respond better to Togo's commands than to hers.

If my paralyzed friend suddenly started using ribbons to walk, I would listen to whatever she said.

Togo shoots the Vertices and their souls fall out.

Togo confirmed Mary-Sue.

Mary-Sue is an overused term that people use whenever a character they dislike is good at something. 

Yuki try to destroy a soul, but it dodges her attack. Fu destroys it with an area attack. The other soul multiplies, but Itsuki snags it with some attack.

Togo aims for the final Vertex and...calls Fu to apologize. She shoots the Vertex while talking

Togo confirmed Mary-Sue

The Vertex's soul spins around the Vertex quickly enough for Itsuki to comment that it is movie quickly.

Togo shoots it twice to destroy it.

Togo confirmed Mary-Sue.

Back to the school. Togo is in her wheelchair. They agree to work for National Defense.

We end on a joke about getting homework done for the next day.

So I guess the moral of the episode is "When people say they want media to portray disabled people  as sexual, they don't mean 14 year-old disabled people."

Moving on to  Yuki Yuna is a Hero Episode 3: Moral Poise.

Episode Three starts with some exposition. It's been a month and a half since the first episode. They have to defeat the twelve Vertexes before the end of the show.

They're in the other world and facing off against the fifth Vertex. Togo aims her gun because Togo is overpowered. Why do the other three members exist?

But someone else shoots the Vertex. Isn't the third episode a little early to introduce a new protagonist?

This character can kill and seal the Vertex by herself. She is Karin and she tells the members of the Hero Club that their work is done and she can take care of the remaining Vertexes.

...seems like a good deal to me.

Seriously, if this girl is that powerful, what's the problem with letting her destroy the Vertexes? Then the Hero Club can focus on finding homes for the kitten.

Her name is Karin. She is a transfer student in the middle school.

Okay, my theory is that the whole thing with the Vertexes is all in the imaginations of the members of the Hero club. They use the other world to cope with the real world.

Karin joins the Hero Club...

...what happens if a random student wants to join the Hero club? Who isn't a Hero?

Karin claims that the Taishi used the four current members of the Hero Club as advance troops. They collected data to train her to perfection. She also says she will supervise the other members of the Club.

Then she yells because Gyuki is biting her faery. The other Heroes explain that they can't bring their faeries out because Gyuki bites,

Togo has three faeries. Do disabled Heroes get more faeries?

Itsuki reads Karin's fortune with tarot cards and finds out that she is going to die.

Those are two of the same tarot cards at the end of The Dark Tower I: The Gunslinger.

Remember when they never made a Dark Tower movie?

Itsuki insists that the Death card is ominous.

Karin argues that she has higher authority than the club president. Fu argues that that they have to pretend to be normal middle-school student and thus Karin has to listen to her seniors.

Yuki Yuna invites Karin to eat Udon with them, but Karin insists she doesn't need to eat. So I'm guessing that Karin is an android that the Taishi created to fight the Vertexes.

Karin returns home and messages the Taishi that she arrived at the Middle School fine, but the current Heroes don't understand the gravity of the situation.

That's what you get when you put the fate of all the worlds in the hands of middle school students.

Karin eats and takes vitamin pills. So the android theory is false.

The Heroes go to a swimming pool. Karin does a lap quickly and pauses as she climbs up for a gratuitous shot of her behind. Yuki fawns over her. Karin insists that a Hero's need basic fitness

That's why Fu recruited random middle-school students.

I'm impressed that they didn't put these 14 year-olds in bikinis. That's more restraint than I expected from Yuki Yuna is a Hero.

At the Hero Club Meeting, Karin puts everyone on a diet of dried sardines for nutritional purposes. Yuki Yuna is a Hero was sponsored by a dried sardine company.

Karin explains the Vertexes' attack pattern. At least one per episode.

Also, as they gain battle experience, they can level up, which is called Mankai.

The members of the Hero Club argue about how early they should wake up in the morning to train. Yuki Yuna points to the five tenants.

Come on, you are likely to succeed if you try.

Now that they have covered saving the world, it's time to focus on the important thing: the children's festival.

Okay, but how about finding owners for those kittens?

Karin reluctantly agrees to go to the children's festival. She goes home and sends another message to the Taishi complaining about the current heroes.

Is that her secret skill? Why is she only on Vol. 2?

Karin enters the Hero's Club room but nobody is there. At 10:30, she looks at the schedule and realizes that they were supposed to meet at the location of the festival. At that exact moment, Yuki Yuna calls.

Karin decides she doesn't need middle-school friends because she was trained to fight the Vertexes and find homes for the kittens. She hangs up and returns home.


Karin trains with swords and runs on her treadmill when the doorbell rings. She opens with a sword in hand.

Castle Doctrine?

The Hero Club is worried and enters without asking. They start touching everything.

Then they bring out a birthday cake. They know it's her birthday because she put it on the form. Karin forgot it was her birthday. Then Yuki Yuna starts circling Hero Club activities n Karin's calendar.

So, the four members of the Hero Club are the worst kind of people ever.

They even tell her that she is going to be in a skit. I hope that a Vertex attacks it and they learn not to force people to do things.

Also, Karin is embarrassed by her origami.

Stron^tm Female^tm Lead^tm

How is she going to explain not training to the Taishi?

Karin joins a messaging app and connects with the rest of the Hero Club.

So those were the first three episodes of Yuki Yuna is a Hero. It's a decent show if you can get over the sexualization of 14 year-olds and that you have to watch 12 episodes to discover whether they ever find homes for those kittens.