I figured out the answer to one of the problems I had with the first movie.
Remember how the back of the case promised a "frenzy of lesbian desire" and the entire movie had heterosexual desire except two scenes?
Well, I forgot about this quote.
There was no twist, right? Wrong. The twist is that the "lesbian desire" was "heterosexual desire." Isn't that clever?
Return of the Evil Dead is the second film in the Blind Dead collection.
The Spanish title is superior.
The first movie had the same problem
According to SciFilm:
I hope so, because the first one was neither brutal nor bloodthirsty.
I'm going to watch the Spanish version because it is longer, "uncensored" and has a better title.
This starts is a Bouzana, where villagers got lost on the set of Frankenstein and wandered into
Yes, the town was called Berzano in the first movie.
The villagers detain the Templars and threaten to burn out their eyes.
HOLD ON
In the first movie, we learn that the templars were hung and crows pecked out their eyes. This is why they are the blind dead. Now they are going to burn them?
One minute into this sequel and it already contradicted the canon of the series. This is going to be difficult to get through.
The Templar makes this claim
Not fair- he saw the first movie.
The villager says they will burn his eyes out. Because that makes sense and doesn't contradict the crows.
This actually explains why the skeletons looked blackened in the first movie. But consistency would be nice
I hate to beat an undead horse, but I hope they explain where the horses came from.
Also, it is ableist to imply that burnt, undead Templars could find there way back, but blind, burnt, undead Templars couldn't,
There is some chanting over the
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| Perfect translation |
The first movies ended the credits with a "jump-scare" of a hand and a woman screaming. The second movie....not so much
The dummy is a prop for a festival to honor the brutal slaughter of the Templars. They ask for firewood. It's clever because it is a parallel of the scene we saw...thirty seconds ago.
This is Murdo. The kids mock him. Ableism starts young.
Bette and Virginia died in the original movie, so they needed another attractive woman.
Somehing's wrong'- she is wearing too many clothes for this series.
(I don't support the objectification of women. But I also don't support false advertising, and this series promised "forbidden sexuality)
Blonde woman stops the kids from tormenting Murdo. A man comes in to scare them away and tells the blonde woman he is coming over. Really awkward way to ask for a date. She declines.
I hope their backstory is more riveting than Betty and Victoria's.
The Mayor of Bouzano, Duncan ,welcomes Jack Marlowe whom he hired to do fireworks for the festival.
There is some subtle foreshadowing of a love triangle subplot. Just like in the first movie! Duncan introduces his fiancee, Vivian and his "right-hand man" (ableist to amputees) Dacosta. Duncan and Vivian know each other. The music indicates that there will be conflict,
They go to the bar. Duncan orders whisky for everyone. Vivian orders a beer. Marlowe asks what they are celebrating. Duncan casually responds
This line is actually pretty funny
The plot about the Templar rising from the dead on the anniversary of their execution isn't too exciting, so the movies opts to explore power struggles in marrying politicans and alcohol preferences. Dacosta offers Vivian whiskey. Vivian complains that she ordered a beer.
Duncan hired Marlow to do the fireworks for the festival. Back to the alcohol preference ... power struggle.
How much time has passed in between the first film and this one? The Templars have returned to their places.
HOLD IT.
There was no village around the ruins of Bersano in the first movie. Is this a prequel? If so, that is really confusing. I don't think the first movie said how many years it was between the flashback with the Templars and the main story. Or are Bersano and Bouzana separate towns, both of which blinded and killed Templars? This series is becoming more and more implausible.
Vivian and Marlow walk through the ruins. Vivians says she is saving money and planning to marry the mayor. Marlow taunts her about being a "new bourgeoisie Vivian." This is either a hint about their past relationship some commentary on Marxist class struggles.
Vivian reveals that she falsified Marlow's references so they would meet. She also says she is to blame for his current situation.
This is annoyingly like the first movie where the hint at a traumatic past only comes back at the end and it is kind of pointless.
Murdo spies on them.
Marlow says that Vivian lives in
So, is this like Titanic with blind zombies? Because I don't have a problem with that at all.
Vivian brought Marlow back to see how he would react to Duncan. She wanted to see if she made the right choice. She says that if Marlow felt the same way about her that she feels about him, he would have made an effort to fight for her against Duncan.
I'm not sure if you are catching on, but the romance subplot in this movie is really, really stupid.
The music is amazingly like Twilight Zone. Murdo watches them kiss.
I can't believe how risque the forbidden sexuality is in the sequel.
Murdo reveals himself before they can commence wake-up-the-executed-Templars-from-500-years-ago sex. The best type of sex. He tells them that the dead lost their eyes
That's ableist.
Murdo says that the Templars sacrificed to "the supreme infernal powers" and that they are in Bouzano's Abbey
Cut to a lovely flashback of Templars dragging a conventionally attractive woman to a wooden X.
Choose your joke:
A) Do they hire these actresses or build them from a template?
B) I didn't know that makeup was so advanced in the 13th century.
A Templar rips the side of the woman's shirt, revealing her breast. [screenshot withheld]
Okay, I have to take back something I wrote in the last review. I complained that the "bloody close-ups of breasts being sliced" were neither close-up nor bloody. It turns out that they were referring to this movie.
So now I have seen "bloody close-ups of breasts being sliced." And it was kind of disappointing.
I didn't know that people's blood looked like strawberry syrup in the 13th Century.
Anther Templar collects the strawberry syrup and drinks it.
That wasn't gory enough, so the first Templar reaches into the wound and pulls out her heart. Which looks like a red pear.
I'm going to assume that it is not that easy to pull out someone's heart from a stab wound. I am not going to research it.
Murdo replays footage from the start of the movie.
Vivian sums it up.
So, is Vivian the audience surrogate?
She rudely tells Murdo to get a girlfriend. Murdo says he already has one. She is tied up under some hay.
Marlow explodes some fireworks. That was relevant.
Murdo ties up his girlfriend to a tomb to sacrifice her. Ooooh, so HE is the villain. I don't know how I missed that.
By law, the woman has to have at least one breast exposed or the sacrifice fails
If Murdo had watched Tomb of the Blind Dead, he would know that he could just play 70s music on the radio and it would raise the templars. Much less messy.
Murdo raises his knife and stabs her.
I figure out the twist!
The woman whom Murdo just killed is actually from the 700s. Why else would her blood look like strawberry syrup?
There is a super poetic shot of the blood dropping to the ground. This causes smoke the appear around the tombs.
So...now blood makes the blind dead rise? I'm so confused.
Cut back to the puppets and a municipal officer ironically claiming.
It's ironic because he says everything is calm but we, the audience, know that the Templars have just awoken. Which is not calm. The film uses dramatic irony masterfully.
We also see the stuffed Templars hanging. This is clever because it is drawing parallels between the celebration of the hanging and the actual hangings.
Marlow says he will dance with Vivian. Duncan offers him a glass of wine but Marlow refuses. Duncan smashes it on the ground
Duncan and Vivian has some unresolved conflict with alcohol.
Dacosta, whose only purpose appears to be moving the plot along, asks what they will do about Marlow. Duncan says to let him dance, because he "will be gone tomorrow"
At the abbey, the undead rise. Slowly. the tombstones rock back and forth.
I'm almost positive that they took the same shots from the first movie.
Murdo looks around uneasily. I mean, when you sacrfice a woman on the 500th anniversary of the execution of the Templars and do a ritual specifically so that they will rise from the grave, you can't really complain about the undead blind Templar rising from their graves.
There is a scream and zoom in on a face.
That subplot about the evil dead returning in a movie called Return of the Evil Dead is not that important. Let's go back to the romance.
Marlowe wants Vivian to leave Duncan and go with him. He agrees
Back to the blind dead. This movie goes back and forth more times than The Undateables.
The villagers set fire to the effigies of the Templars. The undead Templars move closer.
In case you didn't get the connection, they are drawing parallels between burning the effigies and the actual Templars coming closer.
Fire got rid of Virginia in the first movie, so I don't see why they can't just spread the fire to the undead here.
I hate to beat an undead horse, but where did these horses come from?
Murdo waves to them. Check your privilege. The blind undead can't see you waving.
A hand shoots out from the grave and grabs Murdo. Instead of pulling him under or something, it just...trips him. Scary!
Man, who would have thought that the executed blind undead on the 500th anniversary of their execution would be untrustworthy.
Return of the Evil Dead goes back to some more classic Blind Dead Collection Forbidden Sexuality tm
I'm sure this scene was cut in the censored version, as it is almost as forbidden as the gory breast scene.
It took me a few seconds to realize that this is the blonde woman with whom the man talked at the beginning of the movie. There are too many characters to keep track of.
The man knocks on the door and she puts a nightgown over her forbidden sexuality.
Remember when sex attracted the blind dead? That is also in this.
The woman is reluctant because her father could find out, but he convinces her to sleep with him
This sexuality is so forbidden, they skip it and cut to them lying in bed naked.
The blind undead congregate around the house.
There are a lot of subplots in the movie. Many more than in the first movie. So I'm sure you are wondering how they will wrap up.
Well, the fireworks subplot ends now. In case you need a refresher; Duncan hired Marlow to do the fireworks for the festival. The fireworks go off. Okay.
The Blind Dead approach the man and woman dressing after having sex.There is a brief view of a breast that doesn't get cut off.
The blind dead knock at their door. The man hides while the woman goes to open the door.
She asks who it is, and nobody answers. The logical thing to do in this situation is open the window because peepholes haven't been invented.
The face of a blind dead is in the window and she shrieks.
The man opens another window and doesn't see anything.
Then a hand grabs him. Okay.
Why did they knock on the door if they can get in so easily?
The woman screams for an annoying long time. She backs into her bedroom, right in front of a window. She doesn't go out the window, and a blind undead pops up. So she goes through another window. Suspense!
She gets on a horse.
I hate to beat an undead horse, but where did these horses come from?
As she flees, the blind dead...stop. Back to the fireworks!
Marlow and Vivian say they have all the time they need. It's ironic because we, the audience, know that the blind dead are coming.
The woman, who is named Moncho, rides to a railway station clerk. He asks about the horse, and she says it is a dead horse that the Templars brought back to life.
To prove it, she takes off the covering of the horse and sees this.
How did the clerk see it from that far away?
The clerk calls the festival, but no one answers. The municipal officer and his wife are on he balcony. The officer convinces his wife not to answer the phone because "it can probably wait"
The officer goes down because it looks like Duncan and Marlowe are going to confront each other ove Vivian. This gives time for his wife to answer the call.
So...the entire point of the love triangle subplot was so the officer would be called down and his wife could answer the phone?
Duncan and his men surround Marlow. One poorly choreographed fight scene later, Marlow is pinned and Duncan beats him up.
This is all very intense and all, but I'm really more interested in the whole "blind undead Templars" plot
The wife comes down and tells the mayor that there is trouble at the train station.
Duncan and the mayor go up to the balcony to talk on the phone, giving Marlow and Vivian time to escape
The clerk (Prades) tries to tell the mayor to send in the army, but the Templars break the window. The mayor logically concludes that Prades is drunk. (And smashed a bottle)
The mayor tells Duncan to go to the station with someone named Beirao to take over. Then he tries to talk to Prades, but...
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| The line is dead. |
Vivian and Marlow drive until Moncho suddenly appears in the middle of the road, her hair suspiciously perfect after the whole "undead Templar attack" thing.
The car's license plate says CP
That's not relevant, but the blind aspect of the undead isn't really mentioned in this movie and I have to connect this to disability in some way.
They load Moncho into the car and drive back to the village.
Duncan and Beirao walk and see the undead riding horses.
I hate to beat an undead horse, but where did the horses come from?
Enough of that plot, let's go back to the love trangle! Vivian tries to revive Moncho with wine (okay). The mayor wants to question Moncho to figure out what happened. Marlowe wants him to leave Moncho alone. Power struggle?
I liked the love triangle in the first movie better, because the more interesting girl got turned into a zombie halfway through.
Dacosta and Beirao enter. Beirao tries to tell the Mayor about the Templars, but he doesn't believe him. Dacosta backs him up. So does Moncho,
This is known as a double-blind test.
Beirao's wife is named Amelia. I would love knowing the names of the main character before the movie is a third of the way through!
Vivian and Marlow take a smoke break, looking oddly at ease
Amelia, Beirao, and their daughter (who was never mentioned before) decide to leave on a motorcycle
By the way, you should always wear a helmet when riding away from from undead Templars
Someone wakes up. Blind---folded.
There are too many characters in this movie. I liked the first one, where there were only three.
His wife enters in a nightgown carrying a phone, saying the mayor.called.
The nightgown is ridiculous
it's revealing in such odd places. Do they sell these? What's with the headband? Why is her nightgown more interesting than the undead Templar attack?
The phone isn't plugged in. This is an important plot point because the attractive woman in a skimpy nightgown has to bend over to plug it in.
The man puts on his glasses. It's funny because men are perverted.
The mayor tells us that he s trying to reach the commissioner. Thanks for telling us his title.
The commissioner talk to the mayor, while his wife does Charades. Return of the Evil Dead has an...unusual sense of humor.
The commissioner is angry that they are calling with a joke. His wife finally tells him what she has been attempting to communicate.
See, she could have just said that right away, but then we wouldn't have that hilarious charades.
The commissioner says that he is glad people are having a festival because it is compensation for "their productive work helping the national economy"
This is either a scathing commentary on capitalism or a way to pad out the movie.
Amelia, Beirao, and their daughter ride into an onslaught of the blind dead riding horses.
I hate to beat an undead horse, but where did the horses come from?
Beirao decides to hide in the church.
Hasn't he seen The Blind Dead 1: Tombs of the Blind Dead?
Halfway through the movie, the blind dead attack the fesival.It would be a great action scene, but I have some complaints.
1. The crowd screams, then stops screaming when the blind dead draw their swords, and then screams again when they attack. Why?
2. One woman hides under a cart. Why?
3. The women in short skirts can outrun the horses.
Vivian, Marlow, Duncan and the mayor watch calmly.
This is about politics, right?
There is more gore during these fight scenes than the first movie, although that could be because there are more people. Also, the cinematography of this fight is pretty good. For a cheap Spanish Night of the Living Dead ripoff.
Remember how, in the first movie, the undead Templars wanted to drink blood for a ritual? Now they just want to kill people. I hate it when sequels contradict the established lore of a series!
The villagers fight the undead Templars with rakes. If they had watched The Blind Dead Collection I: Tombs of the Blind Dead, they would have know to use fire
Okay, I usually think I am pretty good at catching Chekov's guns. But I didn't catch this one.
Good job Return of the Evil Dead.
So the fireworks ... work. They could have just used the torch, but whatever.
The horses move incredibly slowly. Remember when the horses were fast but the undead were slow? That changed.
I hate to beat an undead horse, but where did these horses come from?
Duncan, Vivian, Docasta, Marlowe, and Moncha drive away. Why are there so many character in this movie?
Also, shakey cam. So much shakey cam.
This is pretty much like the first movie- they all run to the church and hide. This time, they decide to bar the door. Marlowe and Vivian walk upstairs and look at the blind undead approaching the church.
The next shot shows a villager who escaped and can sent them help.
I haven't seen directing this clever since One-Armed Executioner
The blind dead ride away from the corpses and lone(?) survivor.
Marlow Vivian, Docasta, Duncan and Moncha, who will now be referred to as "the main characters", huddle at the church. They look for food. Moncha carefully peels back a curtain.
Jump scare! I forgot about Murdo.
Murdo s upset that the templars betrayed him. if he had read the title of the film, he would have realized that they are the evil dead.
The main characters break apart boards to reinforce the door. The blind dead are not very passionat eabout breaking in.
Murdo gets a tool box, and leers at Moncha. We have to establish that he is creepy.
Marlow gets a blowtorch. Dacosta opens the window and he sets a Templar on fire. Then they nail it shut.
Marlow tries to tell Duncan and Dacosta to go upstairs. Return of the Evil Dead throws in some social commentary about power.
Duncan decides to try to call the commissionar again. He says they had to take refuge in a church, and a legitimately funny line occurs. The commissioner says that he is happy they went to church because
Murdo sneak up behind Moncha.
It might be too subtle to notice from the screenshot., but they are trying to imply that Murdo is creepy. That's why they added in really ominous music.
Murdo had already leered at Moncha creepily, so she is all too happy to go with him and shut the door behind them. Murdo says that he wants her help to move rubble.
The undead just stand outside. Scared of the fire, or have to make the movie last another half-hour?
Duncan and Docasta decide to escape. Their plan is to carry a torch to the Marlowe's car and get in.
In case you haven't caught on that Duncan is a villain, he decides to leave everyone else behind. Including Vivian.
Duncan tells Docasta that Vivian is an awful person and he should leave her. Not a good strategy for getting him to help you. Docasta rejects the escape plan
Back to Murdo and Moncha clearing away rubble. For a few seconds. Then a shot of the Templars. This is The Undateables level of unfocused.
Duncan now appeals to Beirao with the "use fire to get to the car" plan. Duncan asks Vivian to make some coffee and tells Marlowe that there were strange noises in the attic to get them both to leave.
The first movie wasn't exactly a masterpiece of suspense, but at least there was some danger. In the sequel, all the Undead just hang back.
Marlowe and Dacosta watch Beirao try to reach the car with a torch. This works!
Once he gets the car, a Templar slices off his left hand. Beirao drops the torch
This movie sure makes me want to buy a Galaxia car!
The templar stabs Beirao with a nice gory close-up.
Murdo and Moncha continue clearing away rubble. They make a hole wide enough to climb through. Moncha doesn't find Murdo suspicious.
This movie is stagnating with too many characters and subplots. So let's focus on another minor character with about twenty minutes left! Amelia and Beirao's daughter wakes up and wanders around the church.
The point of this is to give Duncan another person to get to the car. I didn't see this coming, but that was because I forgot the daughter existed. I liked the first movie with only three main characters.
Duncan convinces the daughter to go to the car with no torch. I assume she doesn't see the blind dead because it is so dark. She starts calling out for her father, so the Templars go after her
Remember, they go by hearing. So the "blind" is still relevant.
Duncan runs into the car and starts the engine.
Surely he would have realized that the engine would be louder than the daughter?
The engine fails, making this entire escape mission pointless. Duncan gets out and runs away. He tries to climb a wall, fails, and gets stabbed. THE END.
The daughter is still wandering around, but the movie decides that that isn't as important as Murdo and Moncha's escape plan. Murdo exclaims that they have reached where they were planning to go. Then the movie cuts back to Marlowe, Vivian, and Docasta.
You know what is really important to the story right now? The love triangle.
Vivian wakes up Amalia and asks where "the girl" is.
Even the characters in the movie don't know her name.
The daughter cries out to her mom, and Amelia runs outside to get her daughter.
Marlow warns that it might be a trap and goes himself.
These blind dead are so slow, there would be no danger if the characters just ran.
Her dress is pinned to the wall with a knife. Marlow removes it. Suspense! He carries the girl back to the house.
Suddenly, Marlow is surrounded by templars. Why do they not care until he gets the girl? Amelia runs inside and gets a torch.
Why didn't Marlow get a torch before leaving? Why am I still questioning this movie's logic?
Amelia yells to get the Templars to run to her. She waves the torch, but it doesn't deter the undead.
It didn't really deter the Templars from Beirao either.
Why are the characters so sure fire will work?
The templars kill Amelia and drink her blood. 12 minutes left.
Murdo and Moncha continue traveling through tunnels. Then they are free!
Murdo claims that nobody is around. Then a Templar chops off his head. Woops. He kind of deserved it.
Moncha asks Murdo whether they can get out. Then blood drips down. She pulls his body down and sees an absolutely hilarious decapitation effect.
The templars drag Moncha upwards and we hear her scream, indicating that they kill her.
Docasta tells Vivian that it's just him, her, Marlow, and "the girl". Vivian tries to tell him that maybe someone will come, but Docasta has given up hope. Also, he sexually assaults Vivian.
His justification is "We all all about to die so I should sexually assault you."
Vivian screams anyway. Marlowe hears her screaming and comes to her rescue. So, that makes Docasta's statement pretty useless.
With ten minutes left on the run time and the titular evil dead standing around the house, it makes total sense to resolve the love triangle that hasn't been relevant since they reached the house.
Marlowe punches Docasta. They wrestle on the floor. When they get up, one of them knocks over a spear with an eerie chord accomponiment.
Chekov's gun doesn't really work if it is fired seconds after the set up.
Docasta almost skewers Marlowe on the spear, but at the last second, they switch places and Dacosta dies.
Docasta must also be from the Middle Ages- his blood is strawberry syrup as well.
This is playing out like a slasher. Unexpected.
Marlow and Vivian decide to leave at night and capitalize on the title of the movie.
Amelia's daughter is also alive. Three left.
Marlow tells the daughter that her parents are on the other side, and they have to reach them. Even though the daughter saw her mom die.
So the answer to all of this is: they should have waited until daylight. Great conclusion.
Marlow, Vivian and the daughter walk outside. All the blind dead are still, but they tiptoe around them. The ending reminds me of the ending to The Birds. Except The Birds is actually good.
I sure how they keep the "suspense" going like Hitchcock and don't ruin it with a jump scare.
The daughter pulls off her blindfold and screams at the undead. Marlowe reached out to touch it, but it just falls backwards to the ground.
I hate waiting for jump scares
The other blind dead fall down.
I seem to remember a lot of the first movie taking place during the day. Not to criticize continuity
The three survivors walk into the daylight and the credits roll. Good job not ending on a jump scare
The daughter doesn't have a name.
Return of the Evil Dead is an improvement over Tombs of the Blind Dead in every relevant aspect.
Those aspects are:
1. More Gore
2. More Nudity
