I "enjoyed" Death Carries A Cane so much that I decided to find another giallo film
Formula For A Murder (1985) is about a paralyzed women bravely overcoming her disability to participate in the Paralympics and also there's a guy in black clothes killing people with a razor.
It starts with the man in black giving a young girl a doll. My first problem with the movie is less than ten second in.
Who buys these creepy dolls for young girls?
The young girl flees up the stairs and the man in black follows. The man in black grabs the doll and tosses it down the stairs, causing its head to fall off. The first murder!
I have to give the movie credit for getting to the plot right away. and not showing the sexual assault
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| Best last name for a composer? |
Deaf did a great job because the music is awesome.
The man in black rings the doorbell to the church. I assume all giallo films have a man in black as the killer. Not a good sign when you can recognize tropes after one movie.
The man in black, whom I assume is the same man who assaulted the girl, goes to confession and admits he must kill a man.
Father Peter claims that that is a terrible thought and he must repent. It's not his fault- it's in the script.
Then Father Peters asks to speak the name of the man he wishes to kill. The killer replies "You, Father", reaches in, slits his throat, and puts him into a body bag.
That makes a cool scene, but is it really necessary? Like, why couldn't he reach in before Father Peters responded?
A woman drives up to a store and sends her friend in to get something for her. She stares at a mannequin in a robe. Creepy music implies that this has some significance.
Having seen a giallo film, I'm guessing that this is the woman who was assaulted as a young girl in the opening scene.
Her friend returns with the robe. Through some clunky dialogue, we learn that this women is named Johanna is paralyzed, married to a man named Craig, and training for the Paralympics.
Some people may consider this good representation for women with disabilities for a 1985 giallo film.
Then we learn that she is only doing it for her husband.
Then you realize that you are looking good representation of women with disabilities in a 1985 giallo film called Formula for a Murder.
Cut to Johanna practicing fencing with her husband, Craig. In the background, other people in wheelchairs practice basketball.
Craig: Good Girl
Again, great female representation for 1985 giallo
A man named Dr. Surnage stares creepily at Johanna. He's the killer. 90% sure
Next up is archery. Johanna gets pretty close to the bullseye.
I like to point out clunky exposition. But I also understand that it is necessary sometimes. There is no excuse for the following exchange, however:
Craig: Keep it up and you have Staten Island in the bag
Johanna: Especially since you're coaching me. Me and no-one else.
Craig: Well, you've earned it. I mean, it's thanks to you that they build this place. That is, that's to you and your money.
I try not to quote too much dialogue, as that feels like cheating. However, the following monologue is so amazing that I have to write it out verbatim so you understand the full...impact:
"The hardest part was convincing the patients that being in a wheelchair doesn't exclude them from life. After I convinces myself of that, I decided to invest most of my money into an institute for paraplegics. I also have to convince them to search for a cure, no matter how improbable it may sound, and not to give up on life. Nothing's easy. After the accident, my life because an uphill run. The last thing I want is pity."
I could spend the rest of this entry analyzing this paragraph, but I'll just summarize my thoughts.
1. This a giallo movie called Formula for a Murder. I've heard more subtle monologues in inspiration porn.
2. It feels like the Paralympics wrote that. Is this giallo movie the best place to advertise the Paralympics?
3. Ending the monologue with "the last thing I want is pity" give conflicting messages.
4. Ten minutes into a giallo film and there have been zero topless women.
Johanna's friend, Ruth, drives her home as the other paraplegics try the javelin throw. The music wouldn't be out of place in a movie like Radio (2003).
Ruth has changed the hours of the maids to coincide with her time at the gym.
Ruth tells Johanna that her accountant called about deductions for donating to charities and that she should talk to her lawyer.
Johanna replies that her lawyer talked to her at the sports center and it is strange that Ruth didn't see him.
...As far as I can tell, this wasn't shown on-screen. And it's played off as ominous. I am so, so confused.
Johanna and Ruth go into the sauna.I am so disappointed in Formula For A Murder (1985). It takes 15 minutes to get to a semi-nude scene.
Father Davis comes to talk to Johanna. Ruth tells him that Johanna can't talk because she is in the sauna and sends him away.
Ruth goes back to the sauna and massages Johanna's back.
She tells Johanna that she doesn't like Father Davis. Also, when Johanna tells Ruth that Craig asked her for marriage, Ruth reacts...negatively.
This is when the lesbian subtext becomes lesbian ... text.
Dr. Surnage tells Craig that Johanna was paralyzed falling down the stairs when a false priest chased after her and assaulted her.
He tells him this in the middle of the training field. I would think that this kind of information is confidential.
They go into the hospital to talk, but people are still walking through the halls in earshot.
Dr. Surnage also tells Craig that Johanna has suppressed this memory and could have a heart attack if she remembers it.
Craig: So there's a chance that making love to her, she could get carried away, and it might trigger the wrong reaction? Is that what you're worried about doctor?
Dr. Surnage: No. Not if it is an act of love.
Johanna and Craig have sex while "here comes the bride" plays. The camera lingers on a white wedding dress.
If you put these two clues together, you can infer that they had a wedding off-screen.
I am so disappointed in Formula For A Murder (1985). It takes 23 minute to get to a sex scene.
Ruth walks up the stairs. Johanna screams in pleasure/agony/pleasure. Ruth walks back down jealously.
Johanna comes downstairs on a chairlift and says goodbye to Ruth, who is leaving for good now that Johanna is married.
Ruth puts on a record with appropriately dramatic music. She hears someone coming down the stairs. It's the man from the beginning carrying the decapitated doll. Except now the head is on the doll, with a bloody neck.
The doll sings the following song, I think.
Sing a song of sixpence
A bag full of rye
Everyone is happy today
'cause someone's going to die.
The first lines are incoherent. I'm assuming that the director thought having those two lines muddled would make it creepier. However, it just makes the sequence sillier.
Let's analyze the logic of the song
1. Everyone is happy today because someone is going to die. (assertion)
2. Every day, at least one person is going to die.
3. Not everyone is happy every day.
4. Therefore, this movie is ridiculous.
Johanna screams and slumps over in shock at this cliche. The man disappears and Craig calls Dr. Surnage.
Of all the people to call...
He should probably call her doctor. But why is this guy her doctor? Why is this guy a doctor.
Dr. Surnage comes over and proves my point with two statements.
1. There is nothing to worry about.
2. She had a hallucination.
Craig was so worried that having sex with Johanna would trigger her repressed trauma. Dr. Surnage assures him that that won't happen as long as the sex is "an act of love"
Craig had sex with Johanna and it triggered her repressed trauma. Dr. Surnage assures him that is nothing to worry about because she had a hallucination.
Why. Is. This. Guy. A. Doctor?
Dr. Surnage explains that that the doll is a projection of Johanna's image of herself as a child without any traumatic significance.
Why. Is. This. Guy. A. Doctor?
He sound only marginally less competent than the psychiatrist in Psycho (1960) and comparing Hitchcock and "Alberto De Martino" saddens me.
Craig doesn't want Johanna to stay at the house while he goes to the sports center. Johanna convinces him that the whole hallucination thing was a one-time deal, and Craig believes her.
A man in a black helmet approaches the house and Johanna opens the door to let him in. There's even a flashback connecting him to the image of the hallucination descending the stair.
Why. Does. Everyone. In. This. Movie. Act. Like. This?
This is Father Davis. He tells Johanna that she can sign the paper for her donation to the church next week. Johanna says she is in New York next week, and Father Davis says he wil try to get the papers to her before he leaves.
It's this type of detail that really adds engaging conflict to the movie.
Seriously though, the entire point of that scene is add suspicion to Father Davis.
Which the next scene immediately negates. The man in black enters the church to kill Father Davis. The suspenseful scenes in this movie are so, so much better than Death Walks With A Cane. The man in black kill Father Davis with a shovel and we see his face.
This is Craig.
shyamalan.jpg
Ruth enters as Craig is storing the body and reprimands him for taking a risk.
In this movie's signature clunky exposition, we learn that Craig and Ruth want to kill Johanna to inherit her money and that's why they killed Father Davis. To prevent the donation.
The reason Ruth went up to listen to the Johanna and Craig having sex? She wanted Craig to kill Johanna to make it look like she died from a PTSD episode.
This movie is a little over a fourth of the way over and already I'm lost.
Craig and Johanna start to have sex but the movie cuts away to Johanna sitting in a park...somewhere.
Her wheelchair locks The Man in Black (not Craig) approaches and pushes her out of the way.
She drops her sunglasses and somehow the wheelchair runs them over.
This movie has some interesting shots that actually serves purposes. This is shot is surreal to indicate that this entire sequence is a nightmare.
The man in black accuses her of faking her paralysis. He tries to stab her. Johanna stands up and attacks the man in black with a knife. She runs away and wakes up.
If this wasn't a nightmare,I would complain that no doctor at the sports center noticed that she wasn't paralyzed. I know they are incompetent, but there is a limit.
Craig and Johanna travel to the competition. Johanna worries that she won't be able to compete because of the hallucination.
They get on a ferry to Staten Island and Johanna sees the man in black holding the blood-soaked doll and singing.
Sing a song of six pence
a pocket full of rye
everyone is happy today
'cause someone's going to die.
This time he has the white sock over him. And we know he has a ticket, because it is Craig.
Oh wait, it actually is Craig. I thought it was a hallucination.
This movie is a lot more coherent that Death Walks With a Cane, but there had better be an explanation for how Craig got the same doll as when Johanna was a child, why nobody else hears him, and why he thinks this is the best way to kill her
Johanna is incredibly undisturbed in the next scene as Craig pushes her around New York.
Craig and Johanna decide to go back the next day instead of entering Johanna in the competition. Craig says he will bring Johanna someplace quite where she can relax.
In New York City,
He brings her outside the city right the edge of a cliff. And waits.
This is a great scene, despite some of the....blatant dialogue.
Craig: There's always next year. Right now, I'm more worried about your health.
also
Johanna: Ruth told me to remind you about something you have to do for me.
also
Craig: Well, I guess you're not going to get much sleep tonight
Johanna: That sounds like a threat
Craig: It's not threat, Johanna. It's a promise.
Johanna and Craig fly back. He could have saved money on a plane ticket if he had just killed her.
Ruth admonishes Craig for not killing Johanna. These two lines are in the same conversation
Ruth: Does it give you a kick knowing you can kill her by making love to her?
and
Ruth: I can't wait any longer. Do what you have to do or I will.
Craig: We'll do it together.
They decide to do it tomorrow. "It" refers to the murder.
Ruth and Johanna talk about donating the money to the parish. Ruth awkwardly talks about Father Peter.
Then Johanna attempts to convince Ruth to not go to Philadelphia and live alone. And for a few lines, the movie passes the Bechdel test. Formula For A Murder (1985) is officially a feminist movie. Ruth insinuates that she will kill Johanna.
Craig's lower half approaches Johanna menacingly. He grabs her...gently and picks her up.
Craig lays Johanna down in a sunbed. Johanna tells Craig to go inside and make an appointment with someone named Mary to the sports center.
Craig meets Ruth inside. Ruth reveals (to the audience) that Craig moved Johanna away from the wheelchair so she can't come into the house.
This movie has a huge problem with characters telling each other things they already know.
Ruth wants to stay in Craig's bedroom and watch Craig kill Johanna by having sex with her.
I mean, if she's into that sort of thing...
There's a definite irony to a husband plotting to get with his mistress by remaining faithful to his wife. I think.
Ruth hides in the bathroom while Craig goes downstairs to get Johanna and lies her on the bed, A man in a yellow raincoat walks up the stairs and opens the bathroom door. He slits Ruth's throat.
It's Craig!
I definitely did not see that coming.
Describing the gore effects never truly captures them. Click to reveal gore:
Craig washes up, and puts Ruth in a body bag. Mary calls and Craig suggests that she come over tomorrow instead of today.
This is clearly a reference to Alfred Hitchcock's classic A Little Piece Of Heaven (1960)
The attempt at suspense is 'Can Johanna get to her chair before Craig carries Ruth's body downstairs?'"
Craig loads the body into the car. Why am I choosing so many Psycho-esque movies?
He props her upright so she will be easier to see.
Note that she is leaning into the seat.
Johanna comes out and practices archery. Craig suggests putting the sharp weapons away so he can kill her with sex.
Johanna says she wants to wait because anticipation makes the reward better. A fitting line for a 96 minute movie in which not a lot happens between murders.
The first infuriating thing happens
The corpse somehow hit the button that opens the door despite leaning against the backseat.
Okay, maybe she was kind of leaning into the door,
I've never been in this situation, but I'm struggling to suspend my disbelief that the corpse could open the door, especially since it took so long. Maybe 1985 cars were different.
Johanna points the bow towards Craig.
This is a really bad advertisement for the Paralympics.
Some more stellar dialogue.
Craig: Wait, stop! She wanted to kill you.
Johanna: You both wanted to kill me. For my money.
Craig: it was something I did to begin with. But things changed, Johanna, when I realized I could never hurt you.
Johanna doesn't believe him. She holds him at bowpoint and tells him to call the police. She drops the bow.
Craig grabs her, puts her into a room, and locks the door.
A room with all the fencing swords.
Craig is incredibly incompetent.
The door unlocks by itself. Johanna grabs a sword, pulls open the door, and sees a figure that looks nothing like Craig, so she decides to kill him.
The music is intense here, but once Johanna moves to kill the figure, the music stops and all you hear is her wheelchair motor. I think the film speeds up as well.
I find this hilarious. To go from an intense musical climax to just the wheelchair motor.
Johanna uses all the fencing she learned earlier in the film to...hold the sword out
She stabs the figure, who is Father Davis.
But it's okay! She didn't kill him. Craig already slit his throat.
She back up into Father Peters, who is also dead.
Finally Craig walks downstairs holding the doll.
Sing a song a six-pence
A pocket full of rye
Everyone is happy today
'Cause someone's going to die.
Craig explains that he did all of this just to help Johanna remember what happened to her.
So, despite Johanna having repressed this traumatic experience, Craig knew the exact type of doll the priest gave her, bought another model, recorded his own song and put it in the doll (unless that was Johanna's imagination).
And if this is true, why could nobody see him on the boat?
And why not just have sex to kill her? Seems easier.
Craig reveals the truth to Johanna. Johnna doesn't die from the shock.
Instead, she grabs a poker from the fireplace and throws it like a javelin into Craig's leg.
Johanna tries to go up on the stair lift, but Craig turns the power off. She is stuck in the middle of the stairs.
How dare this 1985 creepy doll movie steal a scene from the 2017 creepy doll movie!
Johanna crawls off the lift and attempts to ascend the stairs. Craig tries to climb up but can't because his leg is hurt from the poker.
I assume they were going for some kind of thematic point with Craig losing the use of his legs.
Johanna calls Doctor Surnage. not the police.
Johanna takes out some scissors as Craig manages to get up the stairs and collapses.
Some parts of this movie seems unfair with how they play with space and time. Johanna goes to the stairs and Craig comes up behind her, despite having collapsed on the stairs.
Anyway, Johanna stabs him in the hand with a pair of scissors and it's awesome.
Slit necks don't bother me but getting stabbed in the hands or feet does.
Dr. Surnage finally picks up the phone, hears nothing, and sets it down. Odd place for humor.
Meanwhile, Craig runs out a window while pushing Johanna. Craig falls but Johanna SOMEHOW manages to hang onto the window.
She gets back in and scrambles down the stairs to the phone. She calls Dr. Surnage. His daughter answers and tells her that Dr Surnage was worried about her and is coming over.
The door opens. In the most pointless extension of tension ever, Craig comes in, grabs Johanna, and dies.
Dr Surnage enters and carries Johanna out.
The movie ends with a repeat of the nightmare scene, except we aren't sure whether this is a nightmare or not.
PSA: Don't push someone in a wheelchair without their consent unless you are trying to murder them to get their money.
Formula For A Murder is certainly the most entertaining promotional material I've seen for the Paralympics!
It also has several advantages over Death Carries A Cane, such as a coherent plot, although the lack of gore and naked women may disturb some viewers.
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