This episode exploits, I mean features different people than the first episode. The first person is Shaine, who has a learning disability. He tries to pick up women writing poetry about waitresses in cafés and reading it to them.
Female readers, can I take an informal poll? If you were a waitress in a busy café and a guy whom you have never seen before and has only ordered a cup of coffee tells you he has written a poem about you and asks if you would like to hear it, what would you do?
Well, the waitress in this bizzare universe sits down and listens to this really creepy poem, which refers to her as a "dish". I guess objectification of women is charming if the person has a disability?
The waitress just smiles. I wrote a poem that she should have given him.
Roses are Red
Violets are Blue
I make minimum wage
15% tip will do.
The next person is Justin, who has neurofibromatosis. He lives alone and has never been on a date, so he signs up for a dating service.
The narrator says that Shaine has trouble asking women out on dates. Step 1: don't compare them to dishes.
Shaine goes to a dating service that specializes in people with learning disabilities. It is called "Stars in the Sky". And yes, it still exists.
I love it when the jokes write themselves:
(I would put the logo on the bottom, but I don't think that falls under Fair Use, so just imagine it there)
Stars in the Sky asks Shaine some questions, such as what food he likes. This service is as complex as the "getting to know you" games kindergarten teachers make you play.
The next person is 29 year-old Carolyne, who had a great life until she got paralyzed and her boyfriend of 10 years dumped her.
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Pick your favorite Me Before You joke and put it here:
Carolyne says that the first thing guys ask her is if she can have sex, and she always replies "Yes I can, bye." Now, I'm all for breaking the "people with disabilities are asexual" stereotype, but I don't think this show is the best way to do it.
Justin goes to a dating agency. I really dislike how much these episodes jump between characters. The agent takes Justin's picture.
Now the narrator tells us that Shaine writes impromptu poems to women. Didn't she tell us this at the beginning of the episode? Shanie goes to a speed dating event. His icebreaker is "Do you like poetry?" He finds a girl named Jackie who also writes poetry and asks if he can write her one on the spot. Then Shaine asks Jackie if they can go outside so he can read it to her without any noise.
Again, as a male, I can't really judge this scene. Female readers, where would you place this situation on the "creepiness spectrum"?
Highlights of the poem include "Sparkling blue eyes." Jackie politely thanks Shane, and then ducks back inside to the speed dating event, never speaking to him again.
Actually, that's what would happen in reality. In this show, Jackie and Shane exchange phone numbers.
The narrator reminds us the Carolyne is 29 years old and broke up with her boyfriend of ten years after an accident. Either I was right about this show treating its audience with less respect than Dora the Explorer or they knew the only audience would be Internet critics who watched each episode over the course of a few days and needed reminders every so often. If it's the latter, thank you.
Justin is waiting for the dating agency to send him a match, but they have found nobody. I'm above making a "Justin time" pun.
The narrator reminds us that Shaine is a poet who is waiting for a phone call from Jackie, whom he met at a speed dating event. Thank you, I might have forgotten that in the six minutes since it happened. It's as if the narrator is reading the CliffNotes to The Undateables.
Now we are following Jackie, the girl who exchanged numbers with the guy who wrote her a love poem within minutes of meeting her. I think she's supposed to be identifiable. Shaine sent her a text that ends "Goodnight, Princess. Sweet Dreams". If that was an intentional reference, you got the line wrong and that's not a good scene to bring up the night before a date.
Also, Shane has prepared a book of love poems for Jackie, whem he met four days ago. We don't get to hear them, so I decided to make up some titles.
1. The Red Flag
2. The Date Not Taken
3. There is Another Guy
4. How can I Flee Thee?
5. All this Show's A Rage
6. You'll Never Stalk Alone
Justin recieves a profile from a girl named Tracey, a vetenarinary nurse. Tracey says that seeing Justin's picture was a shock, but that he was a person. Have I mentioned that I don't like this show?
Shaine and Jackie go to the restuarant with a chaperone, which the agency always does. Okay. A lot of awkward silence. I love when television is engaging.
The narrator tells us that Carolyne had an accident and broke up with her boyfriend. I think they wrote this as a half-hour episode, but then got an hour slot and had to repeat things to fill it out. Carolyne find a guy and has this line of reasoning: "He has a nice smile. Maybe I should meet him and see what's what." I also love when television teaches morals. It's okay to decide to meet up with someone who you haven't even contacted as long as he has a nice smile. Who is the target audience for this?
Now Shaine and Jackie are on a park bench and we finally hear the title of the first poem he will read to her: "Here are my thoughts to you, from me" I can think of at least six better titles. Shaine kisses Jackie. That was quick.
For the fourth time, the narrator tells us that Carolyne broke up with her boyfriend after the accident. Maybe in the season finale, her boyfriend comes back to her suddenly and this is foreshadowing.
Carolyne's date is named Wayne.
Justin's never had a girlfriend. It's his first ever date. Commerical break. Justin's never had a girlfriend. Tonight, he's going on his first ever date. Didn't they proofwatch this?
Carolyne meets Wayne for a drink. Wayne asks her whether she can have sex, and she replies "Yes I can, bye." Scene over.
Not really, he compliments her hair and she asks about sports. Okay.
Justin and Tracy talk about cats. Okay.
Shaine has traveled from the south coast (of England) to meet Jackie. Shaine asks whether they are girlfriend and boyfriend. Jackie organizes a boycott against the dating agency and the show is cancelled.
Not really, the date just ends. Okay. I hope Shaine isn't a recurring character.
Carolyne and Wayne make plans to meet again.
Justin and Tracy are texting.
The next shot is a hilarious example of how seriously the show takes itself:
Shane goes to a hardware store to pick up a woman he likes and the episode ends. What?
Since I'm going to go through the entire series, I'll keep a running tally of good and bad episodes.
I have hope for this show. Many great shows have two bad episodes right next to each other- especially early on. Maybe episode three will be when The Undateables takes off.
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