Season 2 Episode 3 starts with the narrator informing us that looking for love can be tricky. Good, I had forgotten.
The introduction of the first character accurately represent the true genre.
25 year old Damian has albinism and lives in Middlesex. He has to spend most of his time in his room. He is close to blind. He wants to find someone to love and do Everything, Everything.
His mom, Julia, says that albinism is genetic and she gave it to him.
The narrator probably breaks a The Undateables record if I was keeping track. She reminds us that Damian rarely leaves the house 40 seconds after she told us that Damian doesn't leave the house often.
Twenty seconds later, Damian says that he doesn't go out that often. This is the second season and show is already struggling to meet the run time. How did it reach six seasons?
Damian very wittily remarks that most girls want "tall, dark, and handsome", whereas he is "tall, white, and pasty." This is funny because girls are a monolith.
Damian's best friend Michael is also virtually blind. He offers his own theory as to why Damien is single: he can't leave the house and socialize often
Multiple choice question:
How does Damian find someone to date?
a) Enlist the help of a dating agency
If I cared, I would like to list all the disabilities in each episode and see whether the show purposefully diversifies. But that is only if I cared.
Kate is single. Does the narrator have to specify this for each person? If you apply to be on The Undateables while you are dating someone, you will probably be single by the time they start filming.
Kate spends her time writing love poems. The show is coming full circle.
She also reads tearjerkers. She says one of them makes her cry in her pillow for weeks. I would recommend that Kate reads humorous books to cheer herself up, such as Me Before You.
Kate has a DVD Collection of mostly romance movie.
I am in no position to judge people based on the movies they watch.
Kate works full-time in an office. All of her co-workers love her. I mean, the two coworkers they interview claim that everyone loves her.
Kate goes to Stars in the Sky. I have less than 4 seasons to go, but I doubt that name will ever stop being funny. They make a profile.
Remember Damian and Michael? The narrator reminds us that they are best friends. I haven't needed this many reminders that two people are best friends since
Michael asks what criteria Damien has for a girlfriend. Damien "obviously" doesn't want a girl taller than him.
Kristi is from the dating agency Flame. The narrator assures us that Flame has a proven track record of successfully introducing couples, which doesn't actually mean anything
"Flame has a 100% success rate of introducing couples. Sure, most of the couples don't actually date beyond the first meeting, but we introduce all of them. We have a proven track record."
Kristi asks Damian what kind of girl would suit him. He replies that she has to have a great sense of humor, be bubbly and understand, and wants to spend time indoors with him instead of feeling like she has to.
He doesn't mention that the girl can't be taller than him. That is "obvious."
Kristi thinks that there will be someone out there for Damian, but bemoans that a lot of people are shallow. This is a phenomenon called "projection"
25 year old Oliver is an art student. He is single and looking for love.
Why does the narrator tell us that every character is single? Either stop doing that or introduce some diversity, such as:
He is in a relationship and looking to cheat
He is monogamous and looking to try polygamy
Oliver has autism. His mother thinks he paints couples because he projects wanting to be part of a couple. My projection joke was better.
For three years, Oliver has been going to exhibitions at art galleries to find a girlfriend. The narrator claims his autism prevents him from finding a girlfriend, but I would blame the venue.
Oliver and his mother work on a list of what he won't do on a date because of anxiety
This reads like a really, really attractive woman's online dating profile.
For some reason, his mom is skeptical that going to art exhibitions will yield him a girlfriend. I think she is just skeptical that she will approve of any girl who finds a boyfriend at an art gallery.
Two weeks later, Kate gets a call from Stars in the Sky. They have found a date for her.
Kate then gets fired for answering a phone call at work.
Seriously, why would they call her at work? Why would she put down her work number instead of her cell or home number? Was the cameraman just filming her for two weeks at work until she got a call?
I'm only asking because I know The Undateables isn't scripted.
Kate gets a date for Sunday. She tells everyone at the office and they all stop work to congratulate her. I don't understand U.K. corporate culture.
Damian rarely leaves the house. It's been long enough since the last reminder for me to accept it.
Flame sends a profile to him. Lizzie likes the following films:
I wonder what will happen if I make a dating profile and list the Crimson Bat saga as some of my favorite films.
Except the third one. The third one sucked.
Kate tells everyone she knows that she has a date, despite never seeing a picture of him. The Undateables: Catfish Edition.
The worst first date location in The Undateables so far was the skydiving. But a hedge maze is pretty close.
Her date is 32 year old Simon, who also has a learning disability.
Either the maze is a metaphor for love or this is going to turn into The Shining. And I don't know which is worse.
Suddenly, I have an urge to purchase a Slazengertm backpack.
Kate and Simon get stuck at an intersection. Simon suggests going right and Kate does what Simon Says tm,
They finish the maze. Okay, so it's not The Shining.
The narrator tells us that Kate's search for a husband has gotten off to a good start. If you say so.
Oliver's autism has made it difficult for him to meet girls. And the art gallery thing.
For his first day, he put on Conversetm shoes. I was just going to buy a pair of Conversetm shoes because of Ice Cream Man and now this show ruined it!
Oliver's so socially awkward, he walks into a nightclub and asks a girl to dance. He gets her number.
...And three more girls' numbers.
Wait, wasn't this entire show just to promote dating agencies? And Conversetm shoes?
Damian is going on his first date in three years. His mom says it is an actual blind date. She stole my joke!
They are meeting at a fantasy theme park, which is appropriate for the premise of the show.
Four days after Simon and Kate went first met, he calls and asks for another date. Kate agrees and wants to write a poem. Given their first date, I wrote one for her.
Rum is Red
Violets are blue
Sugar is Sweet
And So Are You
Damian waits for his first blind date in the fantasy cafe,
This is an accurate depiction of someone trying to binge-watch The Undateables.
19 year-old Lizzie looks "bubbly":
One wouldn't think she was into fantasy.
Also, can we have some consistency with who gets their name at the bottom of the screen and who doesn't?
Damian says he doesn't want to scare her off.
I think he found the right girl.
They sit down and start talking about video games. The narrator claims that 15 minutes into the date Damian's fears about not having something to talk about were unfounded.
In the episode time, they sat down 31 seconds ago. This means that the producers cut out 14 minutes and 29 seconds of the date.
Or The Undateables takes place in an alternate universe where time moves at 29.0322581 times the speed of this universe.
I've always suspected The Undateables takes place in another universe. How else could it have gotten six seasons?
During the first date, Lizzie says she stands by strong feelings and right now she has a strong feeling about Damian.
This, combined with her appearance, would be a huge red flag for me. But remember, this series doesn't take place in our universe.
The bar closes. It just occurred to me how odd it is that the show edits clips from the dates together as if it is the entire date. It makes me wonder what stuff they cut out.
Damen and Lizzie tell the camera-person that the date went really well.
Oliver has a date with a girl he met at the club. If this doesn't end poorly, it will go against the goal of the show.
I mean, the entire reason for this show is to advertise dating agencies, correct? And Conversetm shoes?
Oliver's strategy is to say "You have really nice legs, and I wonder if I can kiss you."
TWIST: She is a double lower extremity amputee.
Actually, Amy has muscular dystrophy. She doesn't get a name at the bottom of the screen.
Oliver changes his opening line to "I like your haircut."
...The first time he sees her. Without knowing what her hair looked like beforehand.
The narrator says that Oliver wants the setting to be as romantic as possible. How does she know that, and why does she say it over a shot of Oliver pouring ketchup?
Oliver will look back and lament that ketchup isn't that romantic in Heinzight.
Oliver starts to ask whether they are girlfriend and boyfriend when the waitress comes by and tells them it will be ten minutes. If I didn't know any better, I would think that this show is scripted to be as awkward as possible.
The date is over and Oliver kisses Amy. He goes home and changes his relationship status on Facebook.
Facebook really needs product placement in The Undateables?
Kate and Simon have been in contact almost every day for a week. This will end well. It's their second date.
Kate has written her feeling down to try to woo Simon. This will end well.
The date is at a country pub. Kate thinks Simon might be husband material. The Undateables: Speed Edition..
The narrator tells us that the best way to know a man is through his stomach. Yay gender roles.
Speaking of gender roles, it is odd that The Undateables is all "progressive" in "people with disabilities can date as well" but has never featured an LGTBQ+ participant.
I'm not in favor of "forced diversity", but I will appreciate anything to diversify this show.
Kate and Simon talk about seafood. After the first course, Kate asks how Simon feels about her. If The Undateables keeps making relationships move more quickly, they will be engaged by dessert.
How come whenever I complain about something, the show immediately addresses it? So we have a same-sex couple in the background.
After this episode, viewership dropped considerably as conservatives boycotted the show.
Kate recites her poem.
When I first saw you
you looked rather nice
Looking in my eyes
I knew we had a spark
????
So what can I say
Other than this is a new beginning
Something new, hope it can be ???
Start a new life or friendship
Well, I couldn't understand all of it but Simon likes it.
Kate looks straight at the camera and says "The poem worked"
I'm glad the show is being honest and not pretending that the camera isn't there.
The End
Let's look at the YouTube comments:
Wow, I had no idea the shipping wars in the fandom were so rabid.
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