Everything, Everything

The worst part of Everything, Everything for me was before the movie started. I had to walk up to the ticket booth on the same weekend Alien: Covenant opened and say “One for Everything, Everything.”

Everything Everything is the most misleading movie since Me Before You.  I am surprised that this studio managed to pull off a similar trick twice. Me Before You was advertised as a romantic tearjerker that got everyone upset about "promoting euthanasia." When it came out, the movie was an outright comedy, featuring such hilarious scenes as the beach scene, the thunderstorm scene, and the final scene in Paris.

The Everything, Everything trailer ditched any notion of pretending that the movie was a romance and portrayed some of the funniest scenes in the movies. So I went into the movie expecting a comedy and got a horror movie.

For all its faults, Me Before You was at least competent as a movie.  There were a lot of good things about that movie. For example, the scenes fit together to create narrative progression, and the actors spoke all their lines.

The first and second acts of Everything, Everything are bafflingly horrible.  An “I can’t believe this is a wide-release movie and not an overeager first year film student’s final project with a ten million dollar budget” type of horrible.

I was completely serious about the actors speaking their lines being a positive in Me Before You. Everything, Everything.  Olly and Maddy first communicate via text. The texts appear on the bottom of the screen.  That’s fine. You know, for the type of movie this is. But then they travel inside her model house where only an astronaut lives (stay with me) and speak their texts. It took me a few seconds to realize what was happening. Hint: Texts don’t make good dialogue.  

The most insulting direction is the beach scene. You know, the same one as in Me Before You. Olly and Maddy talk about their lives, and text appears below them indicating their thoughts. If I didn’t know any better, I might think that this movie was adapted from a poorly-written YA book.

If you are going to see this movie, you must watch it in theaters to get the full experience. I wouldn’t have known which parts were supposed to be funny or cute without the teenage girls giggling.

I don’t see a point recapping the first two acts of the movie because almost nothing happens beyond the synopsis.  Maddy has to stay inside all the time because of her (alleged) SCID and she falls in love with Olly. I just saved you an hour. The twist happens when she runs away to Hawaii with Olly.

Now, most audience member can probably guess the twist. If you haven’t guessed it yet, here is a recap of the clues.

•  Maddy has to stay inside all the time because she allegedly has SCID. 
• She got diagnosed after her father and brother died in a car accident.
•  Maddy constantly talks about how she is “not really living.”  
• Her mother is adamant that she doesn’t see a boy.  
• People have forgotten about Twilight.

So the twist is obvious: Maddy is a vampire. The car accident was a cover-up. Vampires attacked Maddy, her brother, and her father. While her brother and father were aware the entire time, Maddy passed out and has no recollection. Her mother got two coffins for the basement and decided to hide truth from Maddy. That’s why she has to keep her daughter inside all the time away from the sun. The pills that Maddy takes are actually blood pills to satiate her need for blood and medicine that slightly increases her resistance to the sunlight that comes from the windows.

Maddy and Olly land in Hawaii and Maddy immediately shrieks in pain and collapses. The combination of direct sunlight and not taking the pills triggers her vampirism.  Airport security rushes her to the hospital and the staff calls her mom.  Olly is confused and visits her in the hospital after Maddy is stable. Unfortunately, he has a small cut on his leg. Maddy loses control (because she is off the blood pills) and attacks, turning Olly into a vampire. The two of them go on a rampage, turning all the patients into vampires until it is nighttime. Then the entire hospital of vampires storm out the door and engage in a battle with the Hawaiians.

Meanwhile,  Maddy’s mother stocks up on garlic and crosses and flies to Hawaii. She arrives too late and almost the entire island is filled with vampires. She uses the garlic and crosses to ward them off and find Maddy and Olly. Maddy’s mother gives her the blood pills and other medicine and they fly back to their house.

Many of you probably think that this twist came out of nowhere, but there was a lot of foreshadowing. A major theme throughout the film is Maddy thinking she is “not really living.” The double meaning of “not really living” is clever and subverts the assumed ableism in “people with chronic illnesses aren’t really living.” Many vampires identify as undead, and view it as “not really living.” I loved how this seemingly negative statement turns into something different.

The more subtle foreshadowing is at the beginning of the movie, when Maddy first sees Olly out the window. He is wearing a silver cross necklace. When Maddy and Olly finally meet, he no longer had the necklace on. The juxtaposition of the cross with the distance between Maddy and Olly hints that Maddy can’t be near crosses. Very clever!

Also, Maddy says she is not allowed to go into the basement because of the dust.  After the big reveal, we realize that her mother made this rule so she wouldn’t see the coffins. Furthermore, Maddy has to go to bed before sundown so she doesn’t see her father and brother going out into the night.

Once back home, Maddy’s mother gives her some blood pills and other medicine until she is stable. Then Maddy goes downstairs for the first time and sees two closed coffins and one open coffin. Hers.

Some pretty heartwarming dialogue ensues. Maddy’s mother confesses that she wanted to shield the truth from Maddy, so she researched various illnesses and found that SCID would be the best cover-up. Maddy delivers the final line, title, and moral of the story.

Maddy: Mom, you told me everything, everything that was a lie. It’s better to know the truth, because every life is worth living, even if vampires aren’t technically living, so this life is worth unliving.

That’s not an exact quote, and it sounded much better in the movie.

 Then she closes the coffin lid and the movie ends.

FINAL SCORE:

Eight crying teenage girls out of ten. The other two have good taste.

I have to warn parents about the MPAA rating.

Ah, clearly the brief sensuality is the most objectionable thing in this movie.