Even Dwarfs Started Small
The cashier at the DVD store claimed that this is a "great movie". So, I'm blaming her if it isn't. It is listed as "German Classic."
I was going to make a joke about how the title is offensive because of Lord of the Rings, but I looked it up and Tolkein wrote that "dwarfs" is the correct spelling and "dwarves" is only used in the "ancient language." My first joke failed. This is going to be a long review.
For this review, I will use the politically incorrect term "dwarf." Why? Because the movie uses it and I give in to peer pressure easily. Also, it will get confusing if I quote some dialogue with the word "dwarf" and then use the PC term elsewhere. If that offends you, you probably have already closed the window when you read the Lord of the Rings reference.
The credits are over a dwarf rotating a license plate and then a panning shot of villages and hills. The music is a really painful song/shout. You might think I'm just prejudiced against German language being...direct, but the singer is really bad.
Here is a map.
This is going to turn into a complicated seven-part fantasy series, isn't it?
Cut back to the dwarf. He isn't holding a license plate; he is holding a prisoner's sign/.
1300761
1+3+0+0+7+6+1= 18
Now count the number of non-zero digits
1, 3, 7, 6, 1
Five non-zero digits. And what do we get when we combine our two answers?
18-5=13
This is a clever bit of foreshadowing that indicates our character is unlucky. The casual viewer might just see thirteen as the first two digits in his sign and think "How obvious. The first numbers are thirteen and he is going to be unlucky." But more advanced viewers get to the same conclusion with more steps.
The photographer taking his mug shots order him to turn his head different ways. The dwarf doesn't turn his head the other way because he hears a song in his head. We know he hears a song in his head because of this voice-over.
The lyrics aren't subtitled, which is really annoying because there might be more foreshadowing.
An unseen person questions the dwarf while the camera holds on the window. Normally I would make fun of this, but it is an effective shot. It adds to the atmosphere of the movie or something. I don't know, I'm not a film critic.
Through the questioning, we learn that the dwarf has been accused of a crime on the following evidence: He was in an institution. The principal went to town with the other inmates, but the dwarf had to stay behind as punishment. One instructor and the cook. Territory attacked the instructor and the dwarf wanted to "have a go as well" The blind people couldn't do it because reasons.
This is the defense I would use: We are at the start of a supposed crime mystery film. It would be too obvious if the first suspect was the culprit.
The dwarf says he won't talk or give anyone away. The questioner asks how it all began and we enter the flashback. So he starts talking right after he says he won't talk. Okay.
The dwarfs are all at a house. I think it is a home. They all terrorize the owner of the house. They cut his phone line and try to break in. The plot seems to be all of the inmates escaped the home except one named Pepe, and they are trying to rescue him.
The owner says he will call the police. But the phone line isn't working. Because they cut it.
Also, one of the escapees says "We want into the whorehouse too," and they all laugh except the token woman.
Her name is Theresa and she is the "reasonable one".
The owner tells Pepe, who is tied to a chair, that he will push him to the window so that he can tell the escapees that the police are coming. Pepe just laughs
This character looks like Mickey Rooney.
He was the one being questioned in the beginning. I spent about thirty seconds trying to make a tasteful reference to The Last Night of a Jockey and failed.
The escapees gather and talk about where to go. One suggests the lava fields, but says that the cops will get them. The Mickey Rooney character laughs about the cops. They talk about how awful being on a farm is because they drink powdered milk. Mickey Rooney character laughs about powdered milk.
Oh, oh! His laugh is exactly like Mickey Rooney's laugh in The Last Night of a Jockey.
They talk about either sabotaging the institution and/or running away. We know they will sabotage the institution because this is all confessional.
One person suggests are tearing down the owner's favorite palm tree. We see them doing it in the next scene.
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| It's his favorite by default- it is the only palm tree. |
They succeed in felling the tree and celebrate.
Cut back to the owner and Pepe. The owner looks out the window and sees a lot of tree logs. I'm tired of movies shoehorning in unneeded environmental messages.
The escapees get tired of trees and decide to go find women. I sure hope they leave at least two people behind to prevent the owner from leaving the home and finding a phone to call the police.
Mickey Rooney Character is named Hombre. They laugh and pretend to make Hombre and a woman get married. In a small church on the same property. So they aren't leaving it unguarded. I should probably not point out a plot-hole before it has time to explain itself.
Marriage means getting in the same bed together. There are so many applicable marriage and sex jokes that I can't choose. I'll just leave a blank line for the caption and you can fill it in.
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| _____________________________________________ |
Hombre has trouble getting on top of the bed. he tries to stack some magazines on the floor but still can't. He goes to get more magazines, but notices that they are pornographic. That was the most constructive use of porn on a wedding night ever.
Hey, I got my marriage and sex joke in.
Hombre and the girl look at the dirty magazines and decide to show it to the others. This was pre-Internet.
The escapees get tired of the magazines and start throwing rocks at the house again, asking the owner to come out.
Exposition time. The owner talks to Pepe. He says he is one of the instructors and admits that he makes mistakes as well. For example, when Territory (whom the interrogator at the beginning of the movie claimed attacked an instructor) came into the institution, they had a football match. Afterwards, the instructor forced Territory to remove his jacket without realizing that he was ashamed that his shirt was dirty. That night, the institution gave him a new clean shirt.
The opening song plays again while one chicken runs around with a dead rat while the other chickens chase after him.
Um, the chicken with the dead rat represents the institution. The dead rat represents Pepe. The other chickens represent the escapees. The other chickens won't stop harassing the first chicken until he releases the rat. Let's go with that.
The escapees do...stuff. One of them is blind and lines up pots. The others wait around him as if they are going to attack. The blind one sweeps the ground.
It's a game. Oh. I thought it was going to be relevant to their plan. If they have a plan.
Now the chicken is dead. So Pepe is dead? Or is going to die? There is a chant in the background.
Pigs. This movie is almost half over, by the way.
One of the girls collected bugs and dressed them in wedding garb. She thinks one of them escaped, and Hombre says "he is trying to escape, that bad bug."
We get the symbolism. Moving on.
The two people who went to see the pig killed the pig. Unexpected plot development. They refuse to tell how they did it.
The instructor paces back and forth. This movie is very good for only having a few set pieces.
A car pulls up to the farm and a woman comes out. She says she has come to advance the plot.
Not really, she has come because she is lost. The instructor waves from the top of the building and yells at her to call the police. But she drives away after the escapees tell her where to go.
The instructor says "They must have seen me". He asks Pepe what he would do if he was in his place. That's not clichè at all, the captor asking the captive what would happen if they switched places.
Also, the instructor says "Maybe Marcella has alerted the police." Marcella was mentioned at the beginning of the movie, in the testimony.
The escapees decide to get out of there. Presumably, they have given up on pepe. they use a stick to open the garage door and find a car. The car has no keys in it. The owner is more careful than the carebears. But one of them knows how to jack a car.
Hombre is annoying. He just repeats words that other people say and cackles.
The German song from the beginning of the movie plays again while they drive the car in a circle. I guess they aren't planning to leave, they just want to burn gas. Back to throwing stones at the the owner.
The escapees threaten to burn the institution down and list their complaints. Namely that they are sick of cross-country runs that are "supposed to improve them." I don't get why they don't just submit a request for another sport.
They also don't like being punished when they are bad and ignored when they are good. That seems a more valid reason to commit arson than cross-country running.
The owner is angry at Pepe because he allowed himself to be captured and now he doesn't know what to do. Is this like reverse...reverse...Stockholm Syndrome?
The owner says he can't release Pepe and seem like he is giving in, but he can't let them burn the place down. Pepe just smirks. He should apologize to the person holding him hostage.
The van keeps driving around in a circle. I think it is a metaphor for the plot development.
Hombre tries out a motorcycle. I really liked this movie earlier, but now it is just stagnating. There is a scene of everyone LARPing. One of them sits on a blanket as the van moves.
Bullfighter joke. Okay.
People do stuff. For a long time. One of them is cracking eggs on the sidewalk. Others play with the truck. Some cut into fancy fabric
The blind escapees find the dead pig.
Suddenly, they hear the sound of the plot progressing They follow the noise to the lava fields and discuss the plot:
Hombre cackles and throws pottery and china out of a shack, breaking them. The owner watches. He complains to Pepe.
I just realized something I should have realized a long time ago. The script doesn't make any mention that the characters are dwarves. I would be angry that I didn't realize this before, but the movie is called "Even Dwarfs Start Small." I think that my mistake is forgivable.
The escapees make a table and say their blessings. Hombre laughs and laughs. The owner looks over the top of the building. After kind of eating, they throw the tableware around and break everything. This is probably some political commentary on revolution or something. It even takes place on a farm. This is just like 1984!
The theme song plays and we see the chickens, but one of them has an injured leg. This is symbolic.
Their next plan is to pour gasoline on the flowers, set them on fire, and make the owner thing his barn is burning down. It won't work because the owner can hear them. Didn't really think this one through.
But they do set the flowers on fire and the theme song plays again. No subtitles.
The escapees start yelling that the barn is on fire. But the owner already knows that they set the flowers on fire, not the barn. Okay.
More stuff. Cock fighting. Fog. Lots and lots of fog. One of them carries a crucifix with a rodent on it. This scene is genuinely creepy.
This would be a great setup for them for start a cult. But the movie is almost over. I sure hope this creepy atmosphere carries on through the climax and they don't do something silly.
Spoiler: They do something silly for the climax
The big final attack is...Throwing hens through the window of the owner's office.
One of the blind ones, named "chicklets" lost his stick. so they decide to hang him. The owner puts his foot down and says he will do something to Pepe. The escapees decide to burn the place down. so, they forgot about hanging chicklets. Okay
The escapees roll the van into a hole. The owner screams that he "needs room" and runs out. he has snapped and yells at a tree root not to hold its arm out at him. Hombre starts laughing maniacally. For a long time. Next to a camel.
Hombre starts coughing. Too much laughing.
The movie ends. I thought it would finish at the questioning, but it just ends.
This is a great movie. Watch it. Good job, cashier at DVD store,
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