The best company to go to when you want to find niche holiday products is not Hallmark tm. But Cancel Christmas is a Hallmark tm product.
It starts with a spin on "The Night Before Christmas." This is the summary:
The board of directors in Atlanta blames Santa for a loss of Christmas spirit. This is a great criticism on corporate America taking over Christmas. Brought to you by Hallmark tm.
Santa and Randall, the elf, had 30 days to install Christmas spirit into three boys, or they will cancel Christmas. Just three boys in Atlanta are the linchpins that will hold Christmas together. I don't want to make any judgments on Hallmark tm, but I have the odd feeling that they will be three white boys. I do know that one of them will be in a wheelchair.
This is Santa Claus. Constance, a bureaucrat, says that they had to cut back on the board. They are upset that the Christmas spirit is lost because kids are too selfish.
Santa (atlas) shrugs. Constance accuses Santa of perpetuating the culture of materialism.
There is a reason this is a TV movie instead of being shown in theaters. Hallmark tm couldn't project onto the screen any more than they currently are.
Constance is upset that kids sit on Santa's knee, tell them what they want, and he just gives it to them.
Santa asks whether is is "about the party". Nice subtle planting of the plot thread.
Constance orders Santa to step down because they are canceling Christmas. However, they will keep him around for merchandising. It is in his contract that he has to foster a spirit of Christmas year round. They missed a "Santa Claus" contract joke opportunity.
This agency has files on all the white Christians and they mark whether they are naughty or nice. This is why we should have passed the Santa Open Policy Act. (SOPA)
Farley Morgan and Steven Rojack were hellions NAUGHTY
Adam Claymore is different. He was put into a wheelchair last year from a car accident that killed father. NICE
Constance gives Santa three rules. Keep them in mind, because they will not reappear.
1. He must provide evidence that his actions foster the Christmas spirit.
2. He prohibited from revealing his true identity.
3. He gets a 2010 phone. It will ring if he succeeds at helping any of the three boys.
This is elf Randall. He was "doing research" (creepy) and give USB to Santa. Santa has a laptop. The joke is that Santa is using modern technology
These are their disguises. Their names are Chris Frost and Elf Mann. It's humorous.
At school, two kids named Farley and Steven greet each other. I assume so, as they are friends and neither are in a wheelchair.
One of them asks whether the other has something, and he confirms. Suspense!
This is Adam's mother. She is on a cell phone to indicate that she is a bad mother,
I have no idea what elementary school "hellions" did in 2010, but hallmark does! There is a balloon.
A janitor named Mr Johnson greets Adam's mother, who is a teacher. Of course. Mr Jones says that Adam is a good boy. She says that most kids are basically good. Mr. Jones opens the door and the water balloon hits him.
See, this is ironic, because first he says kids are good. Then a kid does something bad. Contrast=humor
Mrs. Claymore sends Farley and Steven to the principal's office. Either Farley or Steven says that his father gave "about a bajillion dollars to the school", so the principal will let him off. Hallmark tm KNOWS how elementary school bullies acted in 2014
Santa Claus applies for a job at the school. Sure is lucky that they are hiring. The hiring manager claims that Kris Frost has an impressive resume. Santa has had the same job for...probably hundreds of years. Don't employers want to see some dedication to improving oneself?
Elf Mann suggests that Mr. Johnson resigns and hands him a flier for career opportunities in the North Pole.
He accepts and gives Elf Mann the mop. Because that's how hiring in middle schools works.
The principal says that she would love to hire Chris Frost, but they already have a janitor. Because that's how hiring in middle schools work. You give interviews for positions that aren't open.
At that moment, the phone rings and the principal learns that the janitor accepted a job up north. She doesn't question it, and hires Frost on the spot.
Frost asks if they can also hire Elf Mann if he works for free. Because there are no labor laws in this universe. Hallmarktm, you have a confusing agenda..
Mrs. Claymore introduces herself to Frost and conveniently warns him about Farley Morgan.
Mrs. Claymore was renting out her garage to Mr. Johnson. Now that Mr. Johnson is gone, she needs rent money to make ends meet. Frost asks if he and Mann can stay there.
I thoroughly dislike how convenient this is.
The background music drowns out the dialogue frequently. That's annoying
Mrs Claymore enters the principal's office and is angry that she let Farley and Steven off with a warning.
The principal says that Farley lost his mother over a year ago and that's why they are going easy on him.
Frost and Mann walk down the hallway. Mann complains that the decorations in the box he is holding are second-rate. The lesson here is that it is impossible to spread holiday cheer without spending more money on better presents.
Farley and Steven walk down the same hallway because this movie loves having characters meet each other randomly. Farley Morgan tells Frost that his father donates to the school. Then he breaks some ornaments. Because Hallmarktm still doesn't know how middle-school bullies behave.
Frost tells Farley that he "knows a lot about him", adding the creepy authoritarian overtones of Hallmarktm Santa.
Mrs Claymore shows Mann and Frost their room. I may be overthinking this, but can Santa Claus and his Elf assume human form and get employment and housing with no apparent identification in 2010?
Frost and Mann boot up the laptop and there is some really clever comedy where Frost tries to put the USB into the keyboard instead of the side. The joke is that Santa Claus is old and doesn't understand modern technology.
The creepiness of this entire premise increases with Santa's files
NSA=[Inter]national Santa Agency
The files tell us that Farley's best grades are in science. Cut to Farley working on his science fair project. This movie ignores "show, don't tell" and even "tell, don't show" in favor of "Tell, then show"
Farley's dad won't come back for science fair.
Adam is sulking on the front porch when Frost comes to dinner. Frost offers to push Adam in, but he claims that he can do it himself.
Of course, he gets stuck in the doorway because his mom has to push him.
His mom can't put in a ramp because of the mortgage and medical bills.
The sound mixing is awful. The carols go over the dialogue.
Mann asks if Adam told Santa what he wants. Adam says he doesn't believe in Santa Claus.
Frost looks offended.
Mrs Claymore says that they don't believe in Santa because he is always portrayed as fat and Caucasian.
This dialogue might be somewhat witty if I could hear it over the caroling
Frost says that he believes in Santa as long as there are children who believe in him. That's probably philosophical if I could hear it over the caroling.
The screen transitions in this are creative/annoying. When Adam gets dessert, it shows teeth biting over the screen.
Frost doesn't know about workplace prioritization and says he has a moral responsibility to make Mrs. Claymore and Adam believe in. You could say he is biting off more than he can chew. So far, Hallmark tm has chosen to portray Santa as an authoritarian who is so insecure he can't tolerate people not believing in him.
Frost and Mann use their Christmas magic power of Fast-Forward to decorate the school. The middle-schoolers all come in amazed as if they have never seen Christmas decorations before. Remember this is a private middle school.
Farley and Steven are understandably perturbed that the new janitor knows about their personal life. Mrs. Claymore warns them about not doing any more pranks or she will go to the school board. With almost an hour left, I think this is what will happen.
Mrs. Claymore calls up Farley's father to set up a meeting because Farley is acting up, but he is in San Francisco. Farley's father comes up with the brilliant line "You're his teacher, not his therapist." This line is so brilliant that Mrs. Claymore repeats it after they hang up so Hallmark tm knows we have heard it.
Farley goes into Principal Barnes' office and sets down a cup of coffee for here. I was curious, so I zoomed all the way in to see if I could read the brand name on the cup, but I couldn't.
This is the sort of detail I value when writing about these movies.
Farley says he is doing a report on Mr. Frost and needs some information. Barnes says a she can tell him is that his first name is Kris. Farley casually brings up the gym renovations his dad is planning, and Barnes reveals that the last place Frost worked is True North Industrial. This is the oddest school.
Also, this brings up an important plot hole but fails to address it: how did Frost get hired with no paperwork?
Farley and Steven look up True North Industrial Group and show Frost that he has no profile. Probably because they didn't look up True North Industrial Resources.
Frost motions to Mann, who uses the magic of fast-forwards to quickly make a profile. This kind of contradicts the whole "not knowing how to use modern technology" gag, but whatever.
Frost now works as a department store Santa. The movie could show some sort of plot progression, but decides to just cut to a girl on his lap. Santa has an earpiece microphone, adding to the creepy surveillance undertones.
Frost asks the girl (Heather) what she is going to give her mother for Christmas. Heather looks rightfully pissed off that she stood in line for a scam.
Got the twist! Christmas was going to be cancelled because the board couldn't afford to fund Santa's workshop for the increased demand. "Fostering the spirit of Christmas by giving" is corporate speak for "outsource production to kids." Hallmark tm movies are so predictable.
Farley almost finishes his science project when his father calls to say he can't make it. The moral here is that bullies can be forgiven if they have a neglectful family.
So far, this movie has been relatively inoffensive. Let's throw that away. On TV, a news reporter says that the new Santa has some odd powers.
Man, this movie is six years ahead of its time and way too optimistic.
Frost tells Mann that people see in Santa the best parts of themselves. Somehow this got all the way up Hallmark tm without any raised eyebrows.
Farley and Steven break in to the circuit breaker and open it up so that they can sabotage the science fair. Sparks fly out. Mann and Frost start laughing. They put fireworks in the circuit breaker. Liability suits are so funny!
They threaten to report the break in to the police. Then they make a deal where Farley and Steven do something for them and they won't report it. Santa loves blackmail.
At the science fair, Farley just has an empty table. Mrs Claymore decides that this is her Moral Duty tm . She calls in Steven to her office and asks "Why do you work so had at convincing people you are a bad guy?"
She tries to cover this up with something about studying her students they are studying her lessons but it comes across as more authoritarian
Mrs. Claymore converts Steven by saying she would harmed by catapult. Way to do Santa's job.
So, the moral is that teachers just have to tell bullies that they are good people and they will stop bullying. Thank you, Hallmark tm.
Santa and Steven are working on a wheelchair ramp.Converted bullies=free labor.
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| Forgot to mention that this is rated G |
Farley's dog walks up to Adam's porch. Farley follows and introduces himself to Adam. This story would be more effective if he knew Adam.
Farley asks Adam what happened and Adam replies car accident. Farley says he is sorry. So Farley is a more nuanced bully than the one in Nico the Unicorn. And Stephen King's bully characters.
If I was being blackmailed into going to someone's house, I would become more of a bully.
Mrs. Claymore says that she and Farley's father need to talk. I think she is overstepping her bounds as a teacher.
Cut to...a news station. There is an establishing shot, so we know it s a news station.
Constance (remember her?) calls in with a tip about the race-switching Santa. She forgot about the not revealing true identity. Her so-called "tip" is that she encourages them to stick with her story.
The camera zooms in on a plant and out on Frost, Mann, and Steven working on wood. Okay. The transitions in this are weird.
Farley comes in with four mugs. He VERY creepily stops Frost from taking one and takes it for himself, and then pours it out. Does Hallmark tm feel comfortable implying drugging cocoa?
They finish working and Farley and Morgan leave. This cocoa thing better be relevant, Through the magic of fast-forward on a clock, the ramp is finished.
Adam can't get up the ramp. Anti-climax. Farley ties the dog to the wheelchair and he pulls him up. Seems really inconvenient, especially since it is Farley's dog.
Steven stays behind. So the Christmas present is ADA compliance?
At home, Farley talks to Steven on the phone claiming he "has it, fingerprints and all," holding up a bag of powder. That is the second time this movie has implied drug use, what's up with that. Hallmark tm?
According to family movies, cross-dressing is humor. Mann dresses up as a grandmother and pops into the airport to convince Farley's father to come home. He makes up a story about her grandson who lost his mother and fell into depression, stopped doing well in school, and whose father didn't go to meetings with the teacher. Very subtle.
Airlines give discounts for guilt-trips
Mann disappears. The camera pans to show some white fluff in case we didn't realize it wasn't a vision? Farley's father switches his flight to go home instead of to his next business meeting.
I took the liberty to research Hallmark tm employee benefits with regards to flexible vacation time. Let's just say that they are projecting again.
Mann tells Frost that he is never doing drag again because Hallmark tm thinks cross dressing is hilarious in 2010. Steven comes in with a magazine about electric wheelchairs. The only problem is raising enough money.
There are only nine days left until christmas, and Steven puts an arbitrary deadline of Christmas. The lesson here is that accessibility is a luxury and can be a Christmas present.
At lunch, Farley offers to have his dad pay for a wheelchair, but Steven says they should raise the funds themselves. The lesson here is that accessibility is not as important as an artificial sense of rugged individualism.
The movie is approaching it's third act, so Steven spontaneously snaps and reveals the big twist. Ready?
Steven was the one driving that night.
Oh wait, I mean Farley's mother was in a wheelchair.
Farley watches a tape of his mother talking to him about how she will watch him from Heaven.
Steven goes around with fliers to a fundraiser/charity. It's a bake sale I remember when my middle-school bake sale raised enough money for an electric wheelchair.
Farley comes home and greet his dad warmly by accusing him of not spending enough time with him.
Farley's dad is good at reading signals in relationships and concludes that Farley is angry at him. He snaps back that he has been struggling losing his wife. The third act is when all of the emotional confrontations that haven't been building up resolve.
Mrs. Claymore acts as therapist. She tells him that the janitor talked Farley and Steven into building the ramp.
Mrs. Claymore tells Farley's dad that she lost her husband. I ship them. She recommends he talks to someone.
In case that wasn't subtle enough, a heart transitions to the next scene.
Farley and Steven get into a fight because Steven likes paintball and Farley doesn't. Okay. It's actually because of Frost.
This has nothing to do with anything, but the girls' skirts are uncomfortably short.
Farley gives Adam a booklet about getting a dog.
At the bake sale, Mrs. Claymore buys a muffin for five dollars. She doesn't know it is going towards the wheelchair.
Hold up. The baked goods are obviously priced at a premium because it is going to a good cause. People will only pay the premium if they know it is going to that cause, so the students will have had to promote it as such. So how come Mrs. Claymore doesn't know it is going to the wheelchair?
Hallmark tm , how can you not know about business? Huge plot hole, 0/10,
Steven subtly says "What goes around comes around"
Steven goes up to Farley's father, who is still surprised that his son helped with the wheelchair ramp. Hallmark tm is okay with blackmail for free labor if it goes to a good cause.
Steven gives Farley his business plan and basically says "Find a company that will give us money."
Back at the news station, the reporter somehow figures out that Frost is the real Santa based on fingerprints.
The news reports that department store Santas are asking kid's what they want to give instead of get. Also, this is bad because it will reveal Frost's identity or something.
The new fundraising is car wash. This makes sense because everyone loves car washes in December.
Adam asks Frost if he believes in Santa. He says Santa is in the spirit of giving and you don't need much money to do.
This is the moral of the Hallmark tm movie where the final act is people raising money.
Dumb middle-schoolers are being dumb and having a water fight at the car wash.
Dear Hallmark,
The authoritarian Santa Claus gives this TV movie enough creepy undertones. The middle-school girls in mini-skirts go too far.
Steven gives Frost the check for the wheelchair money. Frost "reveals" his true identity to Steven by saying "Merry Christmas, Ho Ho Ho." Okay.
Adam tries to make Christmas dinner but everything falls out of the cabinet. He cries that he can't do anything right. Ten minutes left, can we set up a character conflict and resolve it?
Farley's father is watching the video of his wife and crying. Farley comes in and they have some sort of heart-felt talk. I'm not really paying attention, but the gist is that his father asks for a second chance.
At Adam's house, the news media comes for the reveal of the wheelchair.
They lure Adam out with caroling.
Farley starts to say "All these dudes..." and then corrects himself with "All these people." Way to marginalize Elf Mann.
You were expecting them to get an electric wheelchair that could go up the steep ramp? No, they bough him a wheelchair that can climb stairs.
Um, kind of negated the whole thing with building the ramp?
Farley's father and Adam's mom get into a relationship.
Mann, Frost, and Constance forget the entire not revealing thing and transform to their original forms.
Constance renews the contract. Remember the hint at the beginning of her tragic backstory?
I didn't.
The tragic back story is...she didn't get a pony when she was 7.
Santa gives her a pony, then rides off into the night. It starts snowing. The End.
Cancel Christmas is every generic Christmas family film boiled down into an inoffensive* package.
I mean...
Cancel Christmas is a magical Christmas experience for the whole family to watch in a house with Hallmark tm decoration after exchanging Hallmark tm Christmas Cards.
*Except the whole race thing. Seriously, what was that about?
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