The Undateables Season 2 Episode 2

I was going to review something about love or romance for Valentine's Day

But then I remembered I haven't watched The Undateables for awhile.

I hope I can remember every plot point from the last episode. If not, I'm sure the episode with remind me. At least five times.

In the opening, one of the participants says he doesn't want to be a 40 year old virgin. It's funny because it's using the name of a movie that exists in a sentence.

Sam is pretty awesome. She skydives, skis, and has a PhD in psychology.

Sam is 34 has achondroplasia. She and her friend Alisdair walk through a carnival and narrate that people are staring at her.

I understand that she is referring to her everyday experience, but in this case, I would understand people staring at the cameraman.

Sam talks about how she wants to have sex in "graphic" terms. I'm not in favor of objectification, but the only thing that could make this show remotely interesting is nudity and sex.

Sam signs up for a dating agency called Flame. They match people with a creepy system.

Christine and Jenny from Flame come over to Sam's house. They ask what her ideal man would be, and she replies that he should be a skiier,a snowboarder, and in a band. That narrows it down.

Christine tells the cameraman that she thinks Sam is looking for James Bond. It's funny because it's referencing something else.

49 year old football fan Ray has a learning disability and wants to find a girlfriend.

  This is the dating agency's Express Service

I wish The Undatables would start objectifying the people with disabilities. Equal representation, right?

Ray was engaged, but they split up three years ago.

The dating agency, Stars in the Sky, is run by his ex-fiance, Lolita.

I'm usually not that skeptical of the authenticity of reality TV shows. But this is pushing it.

Tip for Undateables: Don't put reminders of a show that has more respect for its audience.

Negative reactions from men have left Sam cynical. Good. I was worried that a show called "The Undateables" would be too positive.

7 years after a break up, a dating agency sends Sam a profile of a man named James.

He has a Marketing Degree, Sam! That means his profile is full of lies.

Sam is shocked that it happened so quickly.

30 year old supermarket worker Steve hasn't been on a date for seven years.

Got the twist! Sam had a break up seven years ago. Steve hasn't been on a date in seven years. Obviously, they were dating each other.

Steve has Crouzon Syndrome. He claims that music has kept his belief in love alive. he has also planned out how he would propose to a girl.

Steve's dad, Ian, is incredibly unhelpful. He tries to comfort Steve with some odd form of logic:

1.There is someone out there for everyone (axiom)

2. Girls don't approach him because of his appearance.

3. Therefore, there must be at least one girl who will look past his appearance.

4. Since he doesn't a girlfriend, he hasn't found that girl yet.

I lost track of what he was trying to prove.

Ian knows this because Steve's mother, Sue, also has Crouzon Syndrome and he obviously married her.

Ian doesn't understand the concept of "sample size"

Steve signs up for dating agency. He meets Christine from Flame. She asks him for his hobbies because that is the most important thing for matching people.

She asks whether Steve felt like his condition has been a problem with dating.

Steve says that he finds that a lot of girls just judge a guy on looks. Well, the thing with that is...

Christine says that the problem with online dating is that people just judge based on profile pictures. Well, the thing with that is...

I don't see the value in an online dating agency promoting the idea that dating is too superficial today.

Ray is waiting for a call from his ex-fiance's dating agency. That sounds like a plot point to a bad romantic comedy.

Lydia from Stars in the Sky calls Ray with news of a match. But we don't know who it is, because the episode cuts to Sam. The Ray segment lasted 59 seconds.

Sam is going on her first date in 7 years. They are going skydiving.

This show is on the second episode of the second season and already it has jumped the shark.

38 year old James and Sam were matched based on their love for music.

If I got matched to a girl solely because we both liked music, and she wanted to go skydiving on a first date...

Let's just say it would be a red flag.

Sam and James have 1:28 minutes of screen-time before cutting back to Ray. I think the cuts between stories are getting worse. They probably have to have the narrator remind us of the backstories more frequently to pad the episodes out to an hour.


Ray is going on a blind date. He wants to "make sure everything is just perfect." Well, then you probably shouldn't go on a blind date.

We watch some thrilling scenes of Ray making peanut butter sandwiches and going to buy roses.

The florist asks what to write on the note with the rose. Ray starts:

Roses are Red 

Violets are Blue

The Florist finishes:

I hope you like the rose

As much as I like you

I wrote a superior one:

Roses are Red

Violets are Blue

Sugar is Sweet

This might be an awkward thing to bring up in conversation, so I'm just going to tell you right now that my ex-fiance was the one who matched me with you

Sam and James are skydiving. I wrote a poem for them:

Roses are Red

Violets are Blue

Parachutes are

Optional, true?

By the way, skydiving is really expensive. Is Sam paying for both of them, or did she ask him to pay a lot of money for a date?

James has never been skydiving before, but goes along. This is how you get into unhealthy relationship, James.

After they land, Sam complains that there wasn't a lot of chemistry between her and James.

However, Sam says that the date has built up her confidence. She needs something to take off some of her confidence. The kind of confidence that leads her to take a guy on a blind date to skydive.

Ray and Pamela both have learning disabilities, so chaperones from the dating agency come along. Whatever.

Luckily it is Lydia, not Lolita.

Pamela is 58. Ray gives her the rose  right away and they kiss. Okay.

Pamela says that she can't eat cheese. This is a bad sitcom. Ex-fiance who runs dating site sets up man with woman and doesn't tell him she is allergic to cheese. Throw a laugh track  on and it is comedic gold.

Pamela and Ray compare birthdays. That's always where I start when going on a blind date. Ray was born on April 21st, and Pamela was born on April 20th.

The narrators tells us that Ray is about to make the worst mistake you could make on a first date. He tells her that they are on a reality TV show called "The Undateables" and their entire picnic is being filmed.

I mean, he talks about his ex. So really the second-worst.

Pamela says that Ray is not his type, because he kept talking about his ex. She leaves.

Lydia asks whether Ray is willing to go on more dates. He says yes, which means that the show can get one or two more episodes with him in it.


Steve get a profile from the dating agency. It is from a girl who describes herself as "down-to-earth."

Anyone who agrees to go on a show called "The Undateables" forfeits their right to the self-describe as "down to earth"

Ian says that he doesn't have much advice for Steven besides "don't speak too much and relax." Thanks, Dad.

Ray decides to go on another date. For the last few weeks, his ex-fiance has been searching for matching for him.

Lolita claims that she still has feelings for Ray. Lydia says that Ray's  happiness is the most important. This is the episode the show jumped the shark.

Two weeks after Sam's first sky-diving date, the agency sends over another profile. Ana, her mom looks over.

Colin is 24. Sam claims that they are a promising match, but her logic is "We are a promising match because he is good looking." Undateables is cynical, yet realistic.


Ray is meeting another woman. Is it just me, or are there more dates than usually in this episode? The narrator claims that Ray is leaving nothing to chance after his last date went badly, so he goes to get a shave. Remember the scene where the Pamela left Ray because he wasn't clean shaven? It was that scene that never happened.

Ray will be meeting Jeanette, who also has a learning disability. Lydia is chaperoning again, because that worked out so well last time.

The date is at a pub. Ray opens with "Tell us about yourself"

Ray "turns on charm" and complements her eyes. He gets another date. I love how realistic this show is!

Steve is going on a date for the first time in 7 years. The narrator says that the agency will call to say where to meet his date. So, this agency doesn't let them decide where to meet between themselves? Is this how the skydiving thing happened.

Turns out the date is cancelled. What a useful scene!

Ray and Lydia meet. Lydia plans to tell Ray that Lolita still has feelings for him. Ray says that he wished he had gotten married to her. Ray wants to move on and date Jeanette. This is the first plot thread in the show that somewhat approaches "interesting" and they resolve it in the same episode?

Steve is going on a date four weeks after his previous date was cancelled. His date is 25 year old Ellie.

Ellie has a pretty nuanced method for picking dates: "After I read his profile, he seemed like a nice guy, which is really important to me."

Steve waits at a bar. When Ellie comes, they immediately talk about music and TV shows.

Steve tries to move things to the next level and asks how long Ellie has been single.

Ellie starts talking about how judging someone based on looks is stereotypical and unfair because the script-writers have finally decided to push the "beauty is on the inside" message.

I mean, Ellie spontaneously talks about how beauty is on the inside because this is a reality show and therefore unscripted

Then they exchange numbers.

Sam is going on her date with Collin at Brighton Pier. The narrator says that Collin seems a promising match on paper.

Remember how Sam has a pHd in Pyschology? She starts psychoanalyzing Collin.

Collin says that he comes from a small town and didn't really connect with anyone because "If you are in any way different, it is hard to fit in.

They aren't even trying with the script any more.

Hours after the date, we witness Sam agonizing over the follow-up text. I love exciting television shows!

One month later, Ray and Jeanette are still dating. They go to a horse race. Ray says that the signs are good. If Crimson Bat 2: Trapped, the Crimson Bat has taught be anything, it is not to date a gambler. Or you might be coerced into being an assassin.

Ray and Lolita are content to be just friends. Plot thread resolved!

This episode was slightly better than the others because of the ex-fiance thing. But it was still bad.

Split

 I wasn’t going to see Split until the “controversy” started. It’s not the huge backlash that accompanied Me Before You, but it was significant enough for me to investigate. I am morally against judging a piece of media before experiencing it. I read some user reviews on IMDB that gave Split one star. That wouldn’t have bothered me, as a lot of people on IMDB seem incapable of rating a movie anything other than a one-star or ten-star rating.  Take any blockbuster and the most positive user reviews on IMDB will make it seem like Casablanca. My problem with the reviews is that some of them were posted before the movie was released. And they didn’t see the movie at the film fest. These reviews gave it one star because of how it stigmatized mental illness and DID.

This is a valid complaint and there are avenues for people to voice that. The average user IMDB score is supposed to indicate the quality of the movie. This is what the Split score is at the time of this writing.

This is a breakdown of the votes.

1.9% of people gave Split one star. Given how many people just give anything they dislike one star, I would be surprised if even half of those one-star ratings were because of the stigmatization of DID.

Let’s be generous and assume that the one-star rating brigade brought the score down 0.1. Unless someone out there uses 7.7 as a threshold for “Good Movie”, I don’t see the point..

Me Before You isn’t an awful movie because of the euthanasia. It is an awful movie because of everything between the opening scene and the credits.

Split isn’t an awful movie because of the DID portrayal. It’s not even an awful movie.

Based on personal experience, people don’t like it when moral crusaders tell them that a piece of media is “problematic”. I’m not claiming that there is no connection between media and common opinion. But to say that a person will watch a movie and internalize the portrayals is ridiculous and condescending.

Anyway, if you have to complain about something in Split, how about the thing to which I will refer later?

This is all from memory, so some of it might be incorrect.

Also, there are spoilers below.

The Script                                                                                                                                      

I was really worried when the first lines of the movie told us Casey’s personality verbatim. Was this the lost “kidnapping episode” of The Undateables? But the script got better. Mostly.

The script is split divided into two intersecting plot-lines. One plot-line is Kevin (McAvoy’s main personality) keeping the girls hostage. This is the better part of the movie and I would have preferred the entire movie to take place in the ... place. (will reveal later) The girls go through the motions of trying to escape, but the writing is strong enough to be engaging.

Unfortunately, the other plot-line involves Betty Buckley playing Dr. Fletcher, the most harmful medical practitioner since Louise. She has sessions with Kevin  and advocates for awareness of this bizarre Hollywood version of DID. This is where I feel critics have a legitimate point. If you are going to exploit a mental disorder for horror, don’t pretend like there is any science behind it. My theory is that Shyamalan wanted Split to be more than beautifully-shot exploitative trash, so he threw in some Mad Libs about DID.

The DID exploration exploitation did not bother me as much as the thing to which I will refer later.

.

The Cinematography

For most of the movie, the cinematography is tight to give a claustrophobic feel. There is a technique where the camera becomes the first person view of a character. It took some time to get used to, but it is apparently a Shyamalan technique. Two shots are so unnecessarily artistic that they took me out of the movie. They are hilarious. The first one is the first time we meet Dr. Fletcher and there is a top-down shot of the staircase. The second one is when the Beast emerges and there is a top-down view as he runs past a street lamp.

The Acting

Google told me that the other two girls are Claire and Marcia. They exist so that Casey doesn’t have to talk to herself throughout the movie.  I don’t remember much about them.

Casey (Anya Taylor-Joy) was really good despite… the reasons for her characterization. (A thing to which I will refer later)  

Awkwardly-placed flashbacks flesh out the thing about Casey to which I will refer later.

MacAvoy is, of course, outstanding.

The Gore

The gore was hilarious. You only see it for a few seconds, but it looked like they painted a honeycomb red and put it on the girls’ corpses.

OCD

All these people complaining that Split portrays DID in a harmful way ignore the portrayal of OCD. Dennis (one of the main personalities) has Hollywood OCD. This ends up being really central to the story, because he can’t stand clothes with dirt on them and Shyamalan needed an excuse to have teenage girls in their underwear for half the movie. Remember when I said this movie is exploitative trash?

The Beast

The main threat throughout the movie, besides the guy holding three teenage girls hostage in increasing stages of undress, is The Beast, a mysterious 24^th personality. Kevin keeps saying that he is waiting for The Beast to emerge to perform some ritual on the girls. Dr. Fletcher tells Kevin that The Beast doesn’t exist because he isn’t in “the room” and Emma Watson doesn’t play one of the kidnapped girls.

“The room” is a metaphorical place in Kevin’s brain where all his personalities sit on chairs in a circle and only one of them can “take the light” at one time. Remember when I said that this movie doesn’t even try to portray DID accurately?

I was worried that The Beast would be a CGI monstrosity, but it wasn’t. It was just McAvoy with prominent veins. The movie went further than I thought it would when The Beast cannibalized the two other girls.

The Knife and The Window

The two funniest scenes were the knife scene and the window scene. Especially the window scene.

The Thing

Throughout the movie, there are hints about a thing. There are flashbacks to a hunting trip with Casey as a child, her father, and her uncle. At first, I thought it was a clunky way to establish Casey’s survivalist skills. As the movie went on, I suspected the other purpose but was hoping it wouldn’t happen. It did.

Dennis forces the girls to take off their clothes because of his Hollywood OCD.  The other girls get to their underwear quickly, but Casey has more layers. At the climax, she removes enough clothes to reveal self-harm scars. It turns out that the hunting trip culminated in her uncle sexually abusing Casey. The Beast says something about how he thinks that the abused are more pure and he only eats impure people. I think that this sounded profound in Shyamalan’s head but he wrote it in the same place he wrote the script for Lady in the Water.

I don’t want to say that this is “offensive”, “problematic”, or any other word that isn’t an argument. But I felt that it was inconsistent with the tone of the movie.

Concluson

Split is a lot of fun. I refuse to be offended by movies with lines such as this:

THE BEAST: Rejoice! The broken are the more evolved! Rejoice!