The Undateables Season 1 Episode 2

I can't think of any great television shows with great first episodes. Shows take a while to establish themselves and figure out what works. If the pilot is one of the best episodes, that means the show went downhill immediately. So, even though the first episode of The Undateables was among the most miserable 49 minutes and 38 seconds of recorded media I've ever seen, I'm going to watch episode two with an open mind. Maybe this show will be great.

This episode exploits, I mean features different people than the first episode. The first person is Shaine, who has a learning disability.  He tries to pick up women writing poetry about waitresses in cafés and reading it to them.

Female readers, can I take an informal poll? If you were a waitress in a busy café and a guy whom you have never seen before and has only ordered a cup of coffee tells you he has written a poem about you and asks if you would like to hear it, what would you do?

Well, the waitress in this bizzare universe sits down and listens to this really creepy poem, which refers to her as a "dish". I guess objectification of women is charming if the person has a disability?

The waitress just smiles. I wrote a poem that she should have given him.

Roses are Red

Violets are Blue

I make minimum wage

15% tip will do.

The next person is Justin, who has neurofibromatosis. He lives alone and has never been on a date, so he signs up for a dating service.

The narrator says that Shaine has trouble asking women out on dates. Step 1: don't compare them to dishes.

Shaine goes to a dating service that specializes in people with learning disabilities. It is called "Stars in the Sky". And yes, it still exists.

I love it when the jokes write themselves:

(I would put the logo on the bottom, but I don't think that falls under Fair Use, so just imagine it there)


Stars in the Sky asks Shaine some questions, such as what food he likes. This service is as complex as the "getting to know you" games kindergarten teachers make you play.

The next person is 29 year-old Carolyne, who had a great life until she got paralyzed and her boyfriend of 10 years dumped her.

`

Pick your favorite Me Before You joke and put it here:                                                       

Carolyne says that the first thing guys ask her is if she can have sex, and she always replies "Yes I can, bye." Now, I'm all for breaking the "people with disabilities are asexual" stereotype, but I don't think this show is the best way to do it.

Justin goes to a dating agency. I really dislike how much these episodes jump between characters. The agent takes Justin's picture.

Now the narrator tells us that Shaine writes impromptu poems to women. Didn't she tell us this at the beginning of the episode? Shanie goes to a speed dating event. His icebreaker is  "Do you like poetry?" He finds a girl named Jackie who also writes poetry and asks if he can write her one  on the spot. Then Shaine asks Jackie if they can go outside so he can read it to her without any noise.

Again, as a male, I can't really judge this scene. Female readers, where would you place this situation on the "creepiness spectrum"?

Highlights of the poem include "Sparkling blue eyes." Jackie politely thanks Shane, and then ducks back inside to the speed dating event, never speaking to him again.

Actually, that's what would happen in reality. In this show, Jackie and Shane exchange phone numbers.

The narrator reminds us the Carolyne is 29 years old and broke up with her boyfriend of ten years after an accident. Either I was right about this show treating its audience with less respect than Dora the Explorer or they knew the only audience would be Internet critics who watched each episode over the course of a few days and needed reminders every so often. If it's the latter, thank you.

Justin is waiting for the dating agency to send him a match, but they have found nobody. I'm above making a "Justin time" pun.

The narrator reminds us that Shaine is a poet who is waiting for a phone call from Jackie, whom he met at a speed dating event. Thank you, I might have forgotten that in the six minutes since it happened. It's as if the narrator is reading the CliffNotes to The Undateables.

Now we are following Jackie, the girl who exchanged numbers with the guy who wrote her a love poem within minutes of meeting her. I think she's supposed to be identifiable. Shaine sent her a text that ends "Goodnight, Princess. Sweet Dreams". If that was an intentional reference, you got the line wrong and that's not a good scene to bring up the night before a date.

Also, Shane has prepared a book of love poems for Jackie, whem he met four days ago. We don't get to hear them, so I decided to make up some titles.

1. The Red Flag
2. The Date Not Taken
3. There is Another Guy
4. How can I Flee Thee?
5. All this Show's A Rage
6. You'll Never Stalk Alone


Justin recieves a profile from a girl named Tracey, a vetenarinary nurse. Tracey says that seeing Justin's picture was a shock, but that he was a person. Have I mentioned that I don't like this show?

Shaine and Jackie go to the restuarant with a chaperone, which the agency always does. Okay. A lot of awkward silence. I love when television is engaging.

The narrator tells us that Carolyne had an accident and broke  up with her boyfriend. I think they wrote this as a half-hour episode, but then got an hour slot and had to repeat things to fill it out. Carolyne find a guy and has this line of reasoning: "He has a nice smile. Maybe I should meet him and see what's what." I also love when television teaches morals. It's okay to decide to meet up with someone who you haven't even contacted as long as he has a nice smile. Who is the target audience for this?

Now Shaine and Jackie are on a park bench and we finally hear the title of the first poem he will read to her: "Here are my thoughts to you, from me" I can think of at least six better titles. Shaine kisses Jackie. That was quick.

For the fourth time, the narrator tells us that Carolyne broke up with her boyfriend after the accident. Maybe in the season finale, her boyfriend comes back to her suddenly and this is foreshadowing.

Carolyne's date is named Wayne.

Justin's never had a girlfriend. It's his first ever date. Commerical break. Justin's never had a girlfriend. Tonight, he's going on his first ever date. Didn't they proofwatch this?

Carolyne meets Wayne for a drink. Wayne asks her whether she can have sex, and she replies "Yes I can, bye." Scene over.

Not really, he compliments her hair and she asks about sports. Okay.

Justin and Tracy talk about cats. Okay.

Shaine has traveled from the south coast (of England) to meet Jackie. Shaine asks whether they are girlfriend and boyfriend. Jackie organizes a boycott against the dating agency and the show is cancelled.

Not really, the date just ends. Okay. I hope Shaine isn't a recurring character.

Carolyne and Wayne make plans to meet again.

Justin and Tracy are texting.

The next shot is a hilarious example of how seriously the show takes itself:

Shane goes to a hardware store to pick up a woman he likes and the episode ends. What?

Since I'm going to go through the entire series, I'll keep a running tally of good and bad episodes.

I have hope for this show. Many great shows have two bad episodes right next to each other- especially early on. Maybe episode three will be when The Undateables takes off.

Pelswick Season 1 Episode 1- Inherit the Wheeled

Pelswick is a Nickelodeon show that featured a kid in a wheelchair. That is all I knew going in. Also, it lasted only two years (2000-2002) and 26  episodes, so not that promising.


The opening is totally '90s, man.

Episode One is titled "Inherit the Wheeled". It's an obvious pun on the Jerome Lawrence play:

The episode starts with Pelswick and his two friends talking about the 8th grade camping trip to some mountain. One friend is the stock overweight moron, and the other is the stock nerd. The stock moron says that they won't lose a limb in the woods like "the other guy."

Pelswick talks with the stock girl love interest, (Julie) and she asks whether he will be okay in the woods. Cutaway to Pelswick rolling away from a wolf and fire to be eaten by a bear. Okay.

Then Pelswick bumps into the stock bullies, who call him "sitting bull", because he "is always sitting and full of bull". Whatever. Julie laments that the horrible boys are always the most attractive. 5 minutes and this cartoon is just a string of clichés.

By the way, there is a cutaway gag every thirty seconds or so.

Now the show gets...odd.

Julie tells Pelswick that they will roast marshmallows together this weekend. Pelswick floats on a cloud to the vending machine and gets a soda, but his guardian angel pops out instead. This is the first episode, and it wasn't based on an existing property, so this is confusing.

Who is this? Whom, objective case.

His guardian angel is really annoying and makes rude jokes.

The principal gives him a note to take home to his parents. I'm pretty sure it will be about not letting Pelswick to go on the trip.

There are a few funny jokes. Pelswick goes home his father asks him how school was. Pelswich says he is "zeroing in on that pole-vaulting scholarship"  and asks his father what he has been doing all day. His father replies that he is teaching Peslwick's younger siblings the folly of gender-based stereotypes by cleaning and cooking while nurturing Bobby and reading Kate a story about equality. I can't add anything to make this funnier.

Pelswick gives the note to his father, which, of course, suggests that his son not go on the camping trip due to his special needs and gives a list of "alternative activities", like reading books about owls and whittling. His father says he will advocate for his son and claims "Nobody is wrong- they're just differently right." When did this show get amazing?

Pelswick's guardian angel appears in his room. He's the most annoying character on the show. Then Pelswick's grandmother tells him that if trees didn't exist, there would be no discrimination.

Pelswick's friends tell him that the reason he can't go on the trip is that the school doesn't want him to get hurt. Pelswick says that he'd be the safest one there, because he's the only one who can't get accidentally paralyzed. Why did this show get cancelled?

Speaking of cancelled, Pelswick's dad complained and a civil liberties group got the entire trip cancelled. Pelswick's sister makes a protest against Pelswick. This involves making a giant balloon of Pelswick to pop. Also, the bullies from before want to climb on top of a mountain and put up a flag of them hitting Pelswick. Okay. The grandmother pays off some guys to cut down the trees on the mountain. Where did this plot point come from?.


Pelswick gets on stage and declares that he didn't want to go camping anyway.


Turns out Julie invited the lawyers because she doesn't want Pelswick to be miserable. The principal says that he can't let Pelswick go camping because school insurance doesn't apply to outside the school grounds. Pelswick asks  if they can move the trip to the principal's backyard, The episode ends with his grandmother chasing the bullies off the mountain.

I never thought I'd be disappointed that a TV show was good. I guess, as a general rule, good content produces bad blog posts. This is the best thing I've watched for this blog so far, and it is aimed at children. Overall, Pelswick is a funny, well-written, and respectable show. It is similar to Peanuts in cruel but funny humor. The writer and animator was a paraplegic.  I was going to go through each episode like Undateables, but there is no point because I don't think I can add to the humor of the show.

Also, the second episode is called "I Won't Run, Don't Ask Me."

Police and the Mentally Ill Volumes 1 and 2

The guy at the DVD store said nobody had taken these out for a long time. Not sure why. He sprayed
them excessively but they still kept getting stuck on the same few seconds.

Volume 1

The beginning of the movie is second-season Twilight Zone atmosphere quality. I can't think of a greater compliment.

Miss Tyler?

The police respond to a call from a woman who says her husband is just staring into space, holding a can of beer. I'm sure the robberies, murders, and car crashes can wait.

A woman bumps into another woman while shopping and attacks her.  I think that illness is called "Black Friday"

A policeman stops a woman on the road and she has a panic attack. I don't blame her. #fuckthepolice.


Sorry, the 16 year old came out in me.

A man who sits alone with a gun and shoots at nothing, thinking he is protecting himself. Either he is mentally ill or he lives in Texas.

Actually, this is from California.

The narrator warns us about suicide. Mental illness in stunt dummies is a serious problem.

A man freaks out on an airplane. He calls over the stewardess and tells her there is a man on the wing. She doesn't see it. Actually, he is a religious fanatic.

I cleaned the disk with a microfiber cloth because it kept repeating. This movie must have been watched many, many times.

The man claims that airplanes are against the will of God and he  flight attendant calms down the religious fanatic, who is now thrusting a Bible into the air.

I took the DVD out and cleaned it with Clorox Disinfecting wipes.


The next part of the movie kept getting stuck on the same few seconds, so much i had to skip through it. From what I can gather, the fanatic has a bomb, which concerns the on-flight officer, so he calms the fanatic down. Okay.

I can't watch the rest of this. Every time I tried skipping ahead, it got stuck on the same few seconds.

Volume 2

This one is from Louisiana. It starts with police being called to check on a white female. Somehow, I have a feeling most of the subjects will be white.

A policeman is called to keep an eye on a mentally retarded boy. Who is black. I retract my previous statement.


Now the police are sent look at a man who tried to drown himself. "The would-be suicide is also suffering from some type of emotional disturbance." Really?

How about a close-up, Mr. Demille?

The police bring the suicidal man to the station and lock him up until his parents arrive and suggests that they call a psychiatric hospital. So, this 1950s police training video is morally superior to Me Before You.


How is this movie Paul declines the friendship offer and attempts to stab the policeman, but the police restrain him. The narrator tells us that handcuffs should only be used as a last resort. This movie is dated.

Paul apparently is paranoid that his neighbors are going to attack him. The segment ends with the narrator lamenting that most places have no facilities to hold the mentally ill besides jail. This film is less dated than I thought

I  would say these are good, but I've only seen 1.5 of them.

The Undateables Season 1 Episode 1

Queen for a Day is more dignified than The Undateables. Faith healing shows are less exploitative than Undateables. Dora the Explorer treats the audience with more respect than The Undateables.

I don't like The Undateables very much. 

The Undateables is a TV show about people with disabilities who struggle to find love in the dating world. Some executive somewhere thought this was a good idea. I have three theories as to the method of market research.

1. A middle-aged man thought the phrase "Netflix and chill" meant "Watch Netflix and chill" and figured that the best way to make a first date more awkward was to watch an even more awkward first date.

2. A middle-aged man created a fake  profile on tinder with a picture of a person in a wheelchair, got no matches, and thought he hit upon a niche topic for a TV show.

3. A middle-aged man's wife left him for someone with a disability and this show is passive-aggressive.

The worst part of the show is that it aired in 2012.

There are 22 episodes and I'm going through them all.

SEASON  1 EPISODE 1

My first big problem with the TV show is that it exists. But besides that, it blames all of the failures of these people who try online dating on their disabilities and not on the fact that they are trying online dating.

3:36 seconds into the first episode, we see a close-up of the doorbell to the office of a matchmaking service called SearchMate. I wonder whether this show has a corporate agenda.

A SearchMate agent meets Richard, who has Asperger's syndrome, at his home and claims that his height is a "valuable commodity." The best thing about online dating is that it objectifies both genders. 

Luke is the next subject. He has Tourette's syndrome.

Back to Richard. The narrator says that doing something as simple as calling a 38 year old woman he has never met before and asking for a date is stressful because he has Asperger's. I guess people without Asperger's have no problem calling 38 year old women they have never met before and asking for dates?

We meet the third subject- a girl named Penny with brittle bones. Her mother takes her picture for a dating website.

Now we cut back to Richard. The narrator reminds us that he has Asperger's. His mother is doing a date dress rehearsal. Remember, it's not a real date, it's just a Freud.

Penny gets a profile from a guy named Max. She reads the description out loud, and I just realized that major problem with this show, besides everything else. It's very awkward  to have a voyeuristic show where people talk to the camera. But that's not unique to this show, it's a terrible genre. It's hard to take "personal moments" seriously when there is a camera three inches from people's faces

Also, the narrator is incredibly annoying. She tells us that Penny's friend has come over to help get her ready. I think the audience could work that out when they see new character brushing Penny's hair. Then we cut back to Richard's date. I wish I was watching something more streamlined, like Game of Thrones.

Richard's date was matched with him due to their similar taste in music. Damn it, stop giving away dating services' nuanced algorithms!

Richard doesn't order anything, but he starts eating his date's dinner. She leaves. Richard tells the camera that it's hard to find love. I think he should use a new service that matches music AND movies.

Luke goes to London to see a girl he met online with whom he has only chatted on the phone. This show sets good examples.

Penny meets her date, Max, who has cerebral palsy. So, was this just a coincidence? More importantly, do they share the same tastes in music? They are at a fairground.

Luke and his date(I don't care enough to remember her name) go bowling. She say his tics aren't too bad. That's nice.

Penny and Max get their fortunes read with tarot cards. See Fig 1. 

Fig 1

Luke and his date are at a restaurant. He has controlled his tics until now, when he starts swearing. His date starts laughing. 

Penny talks to her parents and asks if she can date someone without a disability. I don't care.

Richard goes home and starts searching again. I don't care.

Richard decides to lower his standards, which means expanding his radius.

Luke and Lucy (his date) are going for another date. She is 20 minutes late. Riveting television.

Richard meets his new date at a cafe. Lucy comes 40 minutes late and they go ice-skating. Richard and his date talk about hobbies. I can't decide whether to be bored, disturbed, or confused.

Richard's date is a success. He is going to have her over to his house. Penny says she is going to keep trying. But then Richard decides not to have his date over and keep looking because it's only the first episode.

This show is one of the most bizarre, offensive, and unpleasant experiences I have ever had. I look forward to covering all four seasons.

No Help Wanted- Employing Disabled Workers

No Help Wanted


In 1990, the revolutionary Title 1 of the Americans With Disabilities act protected employees with disabilities from discriminatory hiring practices.

Half a century earlier, there was a ten minute educational short telling employers that it was okay to hire disabled World War 1 veterans.

The film starts with the most whimsical look at factory life since Modern Times.

Amputees are statistically less likely to get a limb stuck in
the machinery.

Workers line up to stamp their time card, except one of them has
prosthetic hands. It's only been a minute and eight seconds since the short started and already I can tell you the moral: "Just because a man has a disability doesn't mean he can't be a wage slave."

Look, he can light a cigarette. That was totally a spontaneous action and wasn't scripted to draw attention to him being able to do things

They use an example of a little girl who lost her baby teeth and has trouble eating certain foods until her adult teeth grow in. This is analogous to amputees who have trouble doing certain things until their new limbs grow in.

Now an amputee is thinking about people with disabilities who became movie stars,baseball players, and bank managers. Another good message: people with disabilities are worthwhile as long as they do something successful.

There's a strange section in which the value of a worker is distributed across  his body parts. I think that was in Capital somewhere.

I just want to point out that this film is marketed incorrectly. The subtitle is "employing disabled workers", but the movie uses "you" to refer to the worker. Shouldn't the title speak to the worker, not the employer?

The narrator claims that the disabled worker needs no special training. I guess that the government rehab program the film just depicted doesn't count as special training?

Not special training

Apparently the second handicap is people who think a disabled man is a liability in an industry. I'm glad that this movie is addressing the ableism in accounting. It's great to know that a disabled worker is a valuable asset instead of a liability to the company.


Except he isn't.

Labor is considered an expense in accounting.





                 Assets = Liabilities + (Revenue-Expenses)  + Common Stock - Dividends

Remember, a disabled worker is not a liability. He is an expense. Such a humanizing message.


The narrator claims that "In the right job, handicapped men earn more money...than the normal worker." This movie is trying to convince employers to hire people with disabilities. Saying that people with disabilities have higher wages is working against that message.

So we know that men with disabilities can have an idealized mid-century work environment. But can he have an idealized mid-century home life?

Yes he can

In conclusion, this film was amazing. I'm impressed that the people back in the 1940s recognized that capitalists could also exploit people with disabilities.

This related video on the side bar looks much more interesting by the way,

Mysterious Object at Noon

Mysterious Object at Noon

Oh man...

DAY 1: Confusion

The movie begins with an driving scene that rivals Manos: The Hands of Fate in terms of engagement. Unlike Manos, this scene actually has some other people around the road and some voice is selling fish. Also it only lasts five minutes.

Some woman on the back of the truck is telling a story about how her father sold her for a bus ticket and she ran away from home. Two minutes later, the film-maker asks if she know any stories. This documentary is only a little over an hour and a half long, and they interview many people, so it's understandable that they can't fit everything in and have to prioritize. If the movie spent more than two minutes on the backstory of their first character, it would have cut into valuable driving screen time.

Since the makers of the documentary thought her true story of abuse was boring, she tells them a fictional story about a disabled boy who has to stay home and a woman who comes in every day to teach him.

The boy asks the teacher to tell him what she did today. It cuts to another story. So we are watching a movie about someone telling a story about telling a story to someone else to someone else. This movie is weird. I had to rewind because I wasn't sure whether the teacher is talking about herself or about the woman who is telling the story. If it's the latter, my comment about the backstory is moot.

The woman in new story buys some sandals with her friend. Then a crucial text box appears.

 The woman with whom the film-makers are interviewing says this, so the woman is telling a story about the teacher who is telling a story about herself. Watching this movie is like playing with Russian Nesting Dolls that are all the same size.

Cut to the hair salon. The teacher gets her hair done. Cut to her on a motorcycle. Was that worth fifteen seconds of screen-time?

She goes into her house and she narrates internally about a man physically abusing her. Is she still telling this to the student? Is this about the woman's uncle? I got this movie at an obscure DVD shop where the cases are empty and you have to bring the one you want up front, and then they give you the disk in a clear case. I mention this because maybe the original DVD came with a road-map or something and there's no way I can understand it without one.

This is the case I got:

On to plot point # I lost count. The teacher goes with her ... uncle(?) to a doctor because he is having trouble hearing but they can't afford hearing aides. Then the teacher says she had a weird line on her neck. She just started wearing a necklace that she hasn't worn since she was little again and the doctor told her she was was allergic and should stop wearing it. The teacher refuses on the grounds that it protects her. This had better be a Chekov's Necklace.

The next scene is back to truck, but two seconds later it cuts to the teacher and her student, but you hear people calling out fish prices, which happened in the truck section. We are only 18 minutes into an hour and 24 minute film and I can't keep track of who is telling the story. Maybe at the end of the movie there will be a twist that ties everything together,

The boy hears his teacher fall in the other room and wheels over to find her lying down, unresponsive.He drags her over to the couch and props her up. An object rolls out of her skirt. It's mysterious. It's...I'm not sure what time it is, but I hope it's noon. I want at least one thing to make sense in this movie, even if it is just the title

.

This would be a good cliffhanger if they decide to just cut away right now. It would be, except nothing in this movie is coherent.

That doesn't stop the movie from cutting to more riveting driving. The only good thing about this is that I know we are back to the main main story.

I found this movie because I was at an obscure DVD shop and knew there had to be some film there about disabilities. I searched for a long time before picking this one up because it said there was a disabled  boy in it. It's hard to talk about this movies portrayal of disability because a) so far the boy hasn't been in it much and b) I'm having enough trouble recapping the plot.

Some more driving and they find another woman. They apparently have told her the story up until the object falls out of the dress off-screen. Good thing, or this movie would get extremely repetitive.

The woman asks whether the object can turn into a kid. They tell her to do a wisdom check, and she rolls a 12. After modifiers, the DM declares she can make the object transform.

So the woman starts talking about how a star fell from the sky and transformed into a kid who had no family. Then the film returns to the ongoing tale about the boy and the teacher. I know people with disabilities being special stars is a common trope, but this is a bit too literal.

Less than an hour to go...

So now the second woman is babbling on about...stuff. Most of this movie is just "stuff".

People are playing volleyball and talking, but the subtitles stopped working here for some reason. If I cared, I might try to look up what they were talking about.

Finally back to the story-in-the-story. The boy in the wheelchair and an able-bodied boy move the teacher's inert body to a laundry bag tent thing. The able-bodied boy tells the boy in the wheelchair to leave because he can handle it.

This is ableist because it implies that people with disabilities need help to hide bodies at potential crime scenes. Good message, and one society needs to learn.

The teacher comes back and the boy asks how she got out of the closet. The teacher ignores his question and asks what happened, to which the boy replies "There was a mysterious boy who came out of your skirt."

I know it's pretty pointless to have standards on a blog about disability exploitation films, but I'm above making a joke about how a boy under a woman's skirt made her come out of the closet.

Now some older boys are talking about the story, saying that the boy transformed into the teacher and the woman is not the real teacher or something. Then they ride some elephants.

I give up on this movie.

The film cuts to a girl who asks the boy the following beautiful question:

The answer is NO. I have no idea what is happening.

Someone unzips the closet and the teacher's body falls out.

I give up. 33:18 minutes into this 1:24:09 movie and I give up for today.


By the way, this film  has a 7/10 on IMDB but only 638 votes. I feel like I'm in a class where I have no idea what the professor is talking about but everyone else is nodding and I don't know whether they understand or are just nodding because everyone else is so I start nodding as well.



DAY 2- A New Hope

I just reread my notes from last "class". I thought if I slept on it, everything would make sense.  Nope

Shot of the boys. Shot of a woman riding a train, with the audio of her telephone conversation with the doctor saying she found a similar line on her back. I really, really hope this subplot is leading to something.

Now the filmmakers find a third woman to continue the story. They play a tape-recorder with the "story" thus far. This actually helped me understand the story. Vaguely. The teacher never left the closet- when she returned to meet the disabled boy, it was really the boy who fell from the sky who transformed into the teacher. I don't know how I missed that last night- it's all so logical.

The third woman says that story she wants to tell is not really connected to the ongoing story, and asks whether that is okay. I think we've reached the point of no return about thirty minutes ago.

In the new story, the boy helps the "real" teacher out of the closet. And...musical number! Why not? The fake teacher sings that she will use a trick on the crippled boy and make him believe in him. A caption appears to remind use that she is in fact the mysterious boy. This probably sounds like I'm just summarizing the movie poorly and it will makes sense if you watch it. If you want to, good luck

Then the two teachers make him choose  which is the real teacher and which is the mysterious boy. He chooses the real teacher...I think.

By the way, the teacher's name is Dogfahr. They have mentioned it twice.

I keep thinking that there is no way this movie can go further off the rails, and then this happens:

I'm trying, I really am, but it's so hard to care about this movie. Every time I manage to summarize a section, the movie throws in something new.

So.. this family is having an argument but there is no sound. Why?

This new boy is talking to Dogfahr and offers to marry her. I thought he turned into a giant and tried to kill Dogfahr? Why am I still questioning this?

The disabled boy says "I will wait until the day I can walk. And I will get back at him." I could talk about the ableism in this scene, but analyzing this movie would be impossible, since I can't even summarize it.

The characters say "The end." Finally! And only 41 minutes in. It's strange that they have about 40 minutes of credits.

Not really. Actually, that was a play. What?

The woman is on the train again. I'm sorry for just saying "woman" over and over, but I'm having trouble identifying characters. Is that racist?

The next scene is at a boxing match. They are boxing to raise money to cure Dogfahr's neck. This is the only subplot that makes sense. My theory is that she went to a hospital for the marks on her neck, they had to put her under anesthesia, and this entire is her rambling when she woke up.

These three people are talking. One of them says "Too much like a game. At least you should have had a script." The other two are the film-makers. They are my least favorite characters right now.

The next storytellers are a man and a woman. The woman asks why the boy is crippled, and the man replies from birth. Good to know.

Except not. the second storyteller (she's back) says that the boy was injured in a plane crash. Complaining about that lack of continuity in the film would  be like shattering a vase, and then picking up one of the shards and complaining that the paint is a little chipped.

We learn that the boy's family is off in the Pacific war and that's why the teacher looks after him. Sure, why not? The characters start talking to the cameraman again and ask if they are done filming. This is a documentary. I keep forgetting that.

The character just...sit around and talk and eat. The camera likes to hold on shots for a long time. Now back to the train. There are shots out the window. The first woman and her husband(?) argue about toothpaste. The second woman is sitting in front of them. I don't care. 59:17 to 59:38 is just a slightly shaking shot of the interior of the train and 59:38 to 1:00:04 is just a shot of the tracks out of the back of the train. The movie officially arrives at Manos' territory.

24 minutes left. I can do this.

Dogfahr and the boy enter the train and the other characters recognize them. What? Then the train arrives and there are some riveting scenes of characters eating. This caption appears.

What?

Two deaf women continue the story in sign language.

These people are talking about bartering boys for cheap labor. A radio announcement comes on to announce that the government has declared World War II is over. I'm glad that crucial plot thread is resolved. The Americans arrive in Thailand and start imposing all these laws while an upbeat song plays. I would say this film has an agenda, but I don't want to think about this movie any more. Dogfahr goes to bar to work as a singer and dancer. The boys became waiters and dishwashers.

Schoolchildren continue the story. I have to give them credit for understanding it so far. One child says the mysterious boy went to get flowers, but a tiger wants to eat him, so the boy kills the tiger. and the boy is an alien, so the teacher goes, but another tiger eats her, and her boyfriend who was the crippled boy wants revenge on the alien and the alien kills the boy.

You know, this part of the story makes the most sense.

The alien cremates the crippled boy. THE END.

Not really. A good alien comes down to earth and heals the boys legs and gives him a sword so he can defeat the evil alien. The End. The children argue about telling a story about a witch tiger, but nobody knows it, so they tell a story about an uncle telling a story about a witch tiger.

I wish I could say I was making this up.

The children start telling the story within the story about a boy who goes to pick Ping fruit and the most beautiful thing happens.

The credits start rolling.

Anyway, there's a woman underneath the Ping tree and she turned into a witch tiger, then the uncle grabbed his gun and shot  at the witch tiger, who fled into the forest. 10/10 story.

The credits say that the movie was told by Siamese Villagers and that filming ended in 1998. There's a subtitle that says "At noon", and then we see children playing. Get it? Noon. Like in the title.

Shots of the children playing soccer. The scene focuses on their legs. I feel like I should make some mention of able gaze or something to connect this back to the point of the blog.

6 minutes left.

A series of shots of buildings, and people. It has no connection to anything.

Children play on the dirt and their mother calls them in for lunch.  There is a goat and a cat and a dog. They tie a car to the dog's collar and the movie ends. Was that a worthwhile shot to end on?

The real credits start about 1:20:58 in. So I was spared 3:11 of movie. Thank god.

Maybe I just don't "get" it, but this is one of the most miserable films I have ever watched. Sometimes incomprehensible films can be fun, but there is no connection between events in this movie. I really shouldn't put this on the blog because it has nothing to do with ableism, but I want to feel like something productive came out of this.


Also, what was up with the rash?